Updated: October 29, 2023
Originally Published: October 26, 2015
It’s often said that the only certainties in life are death and taxes. As a moderately responsible parent, I feel it’s my duty to convey this timeless wisdom to the three young ones in my home. While we don’t delve too deeply into the “death” aspect, I eagerly embrace the opportunity to educate them about taxes come Halloween night.
Every year, around 9 p.m. on October 31st, after we’ve helped the kids out of their costumes and tucked them into bed, my spouse and I embark on a covert operation to inspect their Halloween candy collection. We’re, ahem, checking for any dangerous items like razor blades or poorly wrapped treats that could be potentially harmful.
Alright, let’s be honest—we’re pilfering their candy. We admit it. Eventually, the kids notice that their candy hoard seems to be shrinking faster than the one-piece-per-day limit we’ve set, and it’s at this point that we must come clean about our sweet-toothed transgressions.
This is when we launch into our Halloween Candy Tax (HCT) discussion, complete with a PowerPoint presentation and a fun round of Candyland afterward to ease the tension.
During this enlightening lecture, we explain that consuming too much candy isn’t wise, as it can harm their teeth. We mention how our pediatric dentist rewards children who bring in their leftover candy, sending it off to soldiers overseas. We emphasize the importance of healthy eating and how candy is just empty calories—blah, blah, blah.
The Real Talk
Then comes the real talk.
We remind the kids that with privileges come responsibilities. As a family enjoying various benefits, such as a warm home, nutritious meals, and loving parents, we also contribute to our local, state, and federal taxes. Our children, as members of this family, enjoy these privileges, but they come at a cost, which sometimes happens to be chocolate. It’s vital to impart these lessons early on.
We reserve the right to implement a “sin” tax on their candy as well. Much like the government imposes higher taxes on alcohol and tobacco, we might take a little extra sugar when the kids exhibit less-than-stellar behavior. A tantrum at Target? That’ll cost two Tootsie Rolls, thank you very much. A messy bedroom that resembles a disaster zone? That’ll be a Kit Kat. And if they leave a sippy cup of milk in the car for weeks, well, that’s going to require a hefty price in candy bars.
As parents, we do a lot for our children. We cook, clean, teach manners, help with homework, volunteer at school, drive them to activities, and shower them with love. We don’t ask for much in return—just a few hugs, some listening, a bit of tidiness, and a few less trips to the ER.
There are times when our kids thrive, and life is sweet, but there are also moments when they need to pay the price of admission to a little extra candy. I’m perfectly fine with this annual Halloween candy tax, and I’m ready to assess it whenever needed.
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In summary, the Halloween Candy Tax serves as a lighthearted yet meaningful way to teach kids about responsibilities and the value of privileges in a family setting.
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