From an early age, I discovered a great deal about beverages. I learned that red wine is best enjoyed at room temperature, white wine is delightful when chilled, and that one can indulge in a post-dinner drink (or several) without even needing a meal. I also became acutely aware of the fine line between responsible drinking and descending into a world filled with chaos, untruths, and broken commitments. These insights, while painful, were imparted to me by my mother alongside the basic lessons of life.
My mother is an alcoholic. She is not inherently a bad person; rather, she makes profoundly poor choices under the influence of alcohol. For years, I found myself fixating on the negative lessons I was absorbing from her behavior, worried that I might inherit her flaws as a mother. This fear delayed my own journey into motherhood until I felt completely prepared to be the best mom I could be.
Now, as I embrace my role as a mother, I often reflect on my complicated relationship with my own mom. Her ongoing struggle with alcoholism has cast a long shadow over our bond, yet amidst the challenges, I have unearthed unexpected wisdom that I treasure in my daily parenting journey.
1. Motherhood Isn’t Solely About Biology
I am fortunate to have more than one mother figure in my life. While my biological mother gave me life, she does not fulfill the emotional role I seek. Luckily, I have two remarkable women who have stepped in to provide the love and support I crave. They celebrate my achievements, share their wisdom, and love me in the ways I wish my mother could. This has enriched my life and equips me with double the love to offer my daughter.
2. The Title of “Mom” is Earned
While genetics determine motherhood, the true essence of being a mom is earned through love and support. I am committed to earning my title by being there for my daughter, especially during challenging moments. So far, I feel proud of the bond we share and believe I’ve rightfully earned the name “Mom.”
3. Learning from Mistakes
Parenting can be an overwhelming experience. I won’t claim to have all the answers or to know the secret to being the perfect mother. However, I do know precisely what not to do. When faced with a parenting dilemma, I often ask myself what my mother would have done—and then I do the exact opposite.
4. Cherishing Bonding Moments
Having missed out on essential bonding experiences with my own mother, I understand the importance of being present for my daughter during significant milestones. I cherish the little moments we share and focus on being fully engaged, relishing the chance to provide her with the experiences I yearned for as a child.
5. Perspective is Key
Growing up with an alcoholic parent often put me in the role of caregiver, which has given me a unique perspective on parenting. No matter the challenges my daughter presents, I know they pale in comparison to what I faced growing up. This perspective makes me more resilient as a parent.
6. I Am Strong and Capable
Motherhood has not shaken my sense of self as it does for many new mothers. I draw strength from my past experiences and know that I am equipped to handle whatever parenting throws my way. This confidence has allowed me to embrace my journey into motherhood with grace.
My mother’s struggles have taught me to make the most of life’s challenges. I aspire to pass on this resilience and optimism to my daughter, demonstrating that we can overcome adversity without relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms. And while I might enjoy a refreshing lemonade now and again, I do so with the intention of teaching her valuable lessons about strength and perseverance.
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In summary, my mother’s journey through alcoholism has equipped me with significant lessons about motherhood, resilience, and the importance of emotional connections. As I navigate my own path as a mom, I strive to create a nurturing environment for my daughter, drawing strength from the wisdom gained through my experiences.
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