The ATM at the corner convenience store is no more than 20 feet from my car, parked right outside. It’s a quiet Thursday morning at 9:45 a.m.—that sweet spot between the hustle of the morning rush and the impending lunchtime crowd. Just a few other customers are around, some filling up their tanks, others darting in for a quick caffeine fix or a pack of gum.
I find myself weighing my choices: Should I unbuckle both kids from their car seats and haul them inside for a quick cash withdrawal, or can I just leave them snoozing in the backseat, lock the doors, and use the remote start to keep the air conditioning running while I sneak a peek from the window?
I’ve never actually tried this before—leaving them in the car while I run a quick errand. But I’ve pondered it countless times. It would make life so much simpler to dart in and out instead of navigating a multi-step process just to grab one item. Yet, every time I consider it, I hesitate. What if my older child wakes and realizes I’m not there? What if the car overheats? Or worse, what if someone manages to break into my car and drive off with my little ones?
But the biggest factor holding me back? The fear of judgment from a stranger who might see my kids in their car seats through the tinted windows. What if they decide to confront me for putting my children at risk? Or worse, what if they call the authorities to report me?
As I sit in the driver’s seat, mulling over these irrational scenarios, I realize just how much the fear of being perceived as a bad mother by total strangers influences how I choose to parent in public. This realization prompts me to ponder: What kind of parent would I be if nobody were watching?
I genuinely wonder. Would I be the parent who allows my older child to munch on a banana without weighing it first? Would I skip the incessant baby talk with my uninterested infant, solely for the sake of onlookers? Or would my parenting choices be riskier? Would I sip a glass of wine while nursing my hungry baby at a restaurant packed with diners? If I’m honest, I’d probably say yes to all of those scenarios. And, if no one were around to judge, I wouldn’t feel guilty about it at all.
So why do I let the opinions of strangers dictate my choices as a mother? I believe it’s a complex issue. We’re living in an era of relentless scrutiny, where parents are often judged harshly in the court of public opinion. There’s always someone ready to point out what you’re doing wrong, claiming they know better, and insinuating that their choice would have been the right one.
Another aspect is that a passerby only sees a fleeting moment of my parenting journey, not the entire narrative that unfolds over time. That’s why I glance around when I hand my phone to my son during a tantrum at a restaurant or let him snack on fast food while watching his dad’s game, fearing the judgment I once promised myself I’d never let affect me. It’s illogical, I know, but the reality is that fear of judgment often weighs heavily on my maternal decisions.
So, as I rush into the convenience store and tap the ATM buttons (quick cash, no receipt), I can’t help but feel anxiety— not about the safety of my kids in the air-conditioned car, but about the stranger in the adjacent parking spot who might catch me in this moment. If only she weren’t there, I might feel at ease with my choice. But there she is, oblivious to my internal struggle, and here I am, just a few feet away, letting my overactive mind amplify my fears. Time and again, I allow an unknown onlooker to sway my decisions or at least make me feel guilty about them.
This raises an intriguing question: If a mother leaves her child securely locked in a car and no one is around to critique her, does she still second-guess her decision?
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In summary, the fear of judgment can significantly shape a parent’s choices, often leading us to question our instincts and decisions. In a world where every move is scrutinized, it’s essential to find a balance between self-acceptance and the influence of societal standards.
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