Every morning on our way to daycare, I engage in the same reassuring conversation with my little ones.
“Mom, are you picking us up later?”
“Of course! I always come back.”
“Mom, are you really coming back?”
“Yes, sweetie! I promise I will always return.”
Then, as I hug them tightly and plant kisses on their cheeks, I try to push away the unsettling thoughts that have plagued me for months.
What if something unforeseen happens, and I’m unable to pick them up one day? What if I don’t come back at all?
Regardless of where I’m headed, be it for five minutes or an entire day, I make sure to say goodbye, assuring them that I’ll return. My daily mantra is, “I will always come back,” but the harsh reality is that we cannot predict the future. As a single mother, this thought weighs heavily on my heart. I’m fortunate to have a loving family that would step in to care for my children if anything were to happen to me, ensuring they would be cherished and supported.
However, that isn’t the crux of their concerns. When my boys ask if I’ll return, they aren’t solely inquiring if someone else will come for them. What they seek is the assurance that I, their mother, will be there consistently. They want to know they can count on my presence, even when I’m not physically there. This longing for stability and comfort is an intrinsic part of childhood.
The truth is, I won’t always be around. One day, I will take my final breath, and I won’t return. I fervently hope that day is many years away.
I want to witness every milestone in my boys’ lives. From their first steps to their first loves, and every significant event in between—I wish to be there. I never want a day to pass when they look for me and I’m not there.
At their young ages, my sons’ questions stem partly from routine, but I believe they also reflect a deeper insecurity. They’re aware of an absent parent who isn’t around much, and this creates a heightened concern for my return, even though there’s never been a day I haven’t picked them up. They need that reassurance, and I’m honored to provide it. Yet, I can’t help but consider the possibility of a day when I might not be there, even if that day is far in the future.
As a mother, my greatest fear is leaving this world too soon, leaving my children without a mother when they need me most. This fear extends to my own mother too. At 30 years old, and a mother of three, I still grapple with the thought of a time when she might not be there for me anymore.
My sons will always need me, whether it’s for tying their shoes or for guidance on their wedding days. A child always craves their mother to return, and it’s a mother’s duty to be present, even in spirit. I hope for as much time as possible to fulfill that role.
Even if the day arrives when I can’t physically be with my boys, I pray they carry my spirit with them, knowing that my love for them is infinite. I hope they never doubt my dedication to them and that they always feel my support, even when I’m not there. They should know that their mother would traverse any distance to be with them.
As long as I’m able, I will always come back.
For more insights on parenting and the emotional ties we build, check out this blog post on Cervical Insemination. If you’re exploring options for at-home insemination, be sure to visit Make a Mom for reputable syringe kits. Additionally, March of Dimes offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, the bond between a mother and her children is profound, rooted in love and the promise of presence. The fears of not being there linger, but the hope for a lasting connection remains strong.
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