I’m a Democrat, and it’s likely not shocking to anyone that I hold pro-choice views. However, what might surprise you is that I am fundamentally anti-abortion. While I deeply respect the myriad reasons a woman may choose to terminate her pregnancy, I always believed that my child was my child, and I would find a way to make it work. Abortion was something I never thought I would have to consider—until the day it became a reality.
During our anatomy ultrasound at 19 weeks, the technician’s silence was unnerving. I tried to convince myself I was just being paranoid, but my instincts were spot on. We saw our baby’s tiny face, her heart beating strong, and learned we were having a girl. (Another daughter—what a handful we were in for!) Then the doctor entered the room.
Our daughter, whom we named Lily Grace, had skeletal dysplasia. My partner squeezed my hand, and we both smiled, thinking our little girl was perfect. It was a lot to digest, but I felt we could manage it. Then the doctor uttered the word “lethal,” and the realization hit us hard: Lily wouldn’t survive.
Dwarfism is often not apparent on ultrasounds until later stages, and sometimes it’s not diagnosed until after birth. The fact that Lily’s limbs were so disproportionately small at 19 weeks indicated just how serious her condition was. Her skeletal issues would worsen, and while I could carry her to term, once she was born, her rib cage would prevent her lungs from functioning properly, leading to her death shortly after.
We faced two options: terminate the pregnancy now or endure the agony of watching our daughter suffocate mere hours after her birth. To us, the choice was clear. It would not only be traumatic for us and our young children to witness her grow only to say goodbye, but we couldn’t fathom putting Lily through inevitable suffering. I would choose abortion.
No one expects to face such dire circumstances with their child. I found myself wishing for a “normal” dwarfism situation—what a joy that would be! We could love and cherish her, letting her know how wanted she was. But I couldn’t let her suffer, even if it meant I had to bear that pain myself.
To our surprise, we received immense support from friends and family. Many individuals who identified as pro-life affirmed our decision, understanding that this was not a typical abortion scenario, though societal views often failed to reflect that.
Despite believing we were making the best decision for Lily, we encountered obstacles. Insurance would only cover expenses if I carried her to term and she died naturally. We had already decided that watching our precious girl suffocate was not an option, so we faced the prospect of incurring debt for the procedure. This was not about deeming our baby unworthy; we wanted her desperately, but she wasn’t meant for this world.
The procedure would take two days. On the first day, I was consumed by fear and grief. I cried throughout the morning, but it wasn’t until I was on the table that my emotions hit me hard. My partner rested his head on my belly and whispered, “Daddy loves you, Lily,” and in that moment, the depth of our loss overwhelmed me. Though this was a journey I had to face alone, many were affected by our choice.
I was given medication to ease my anxiety and pain while they prepared my body for the procedure. The next step involved injecting Lily to stop her heart. I would never feel her move again.
After the procedure, I felt exhausted and sore, and the medication allowed me to drift into a deep sleep. The following morning, I woke up crampy and already feeling an emptiness that was hard to describe. Shortly after, the cramps intensified, and we rushed to the clinic earlier than planned.
As we approached the clinic, we were met with protesters holding graphic images of aborted fetuses, but I felt unshaken. Did they not realize I had already seen far worse? I had researched extensively, and while my emotions were raw, I was far from naive. I was a fully grown woman making an informed decision, despite the pain it brought.
Within moments of walking through the clinic doors, my water broke, and the preparation for the evacuation began. I felt a strange calm wash over me. Lily’s life was all that mattered, and she was already gone.
The final moments of the procedure are somewhat hazy, but it wasn’t the nightmare others have described. After it was over, a nurse helped clean me up, and the doctor handed me my baby. Her little face bore the marks of the procedure, and the doctor suggested I keep her covered. I chose instead to hold her, caressing her legs, counting her toes, and telling her how beautiful and loved she was.
The days following Lily’s departure have been surreal. I often speak of her as if she will arrive in a few months, as we initially anticipated. Even after holding her, I find it hard to accept she’s truly gone.
I refuse to refer to her as “the fetus” or say that I “terminated my pregnancy.” Her name is Lily, and I made the choice to end her life. She is my daughter, and I chose to spare her from suffering. This isn’t just a statistic or political stance—this is my life and hers. While everyone is entitled to their opinions, no one has the right to judge my decisions. This has undoubtedly been the most harrowing experience of my life, yet I wouldn’t alter a thing. I will feel the absence of Lily every day, but she did not have to endure pain, and as her mother, I find solace in knowing that all she ever felt was the warmth of my womb and the gentle love of her father’s hand.
For more on this deeply personal subject, consider reading some of our other posts, such as this one here. If you’re interested in home insemination options, check out this at-home insemination kit from a reputable retailer. Additionally, Cleveland Clinic offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, facing the decision of abortion under such tragic circumstances is not something anyone anticipates. It is a deeply personal and emotional journey that can be filled with love and loss. Though I will always grieve for my daughter, I take comfort in knowing I made the right choice for her.
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