My journey into the intriguing realm of babies and their sleep patterns began with my 3-year-old stepson. His early morning cheerfulness was nothing short of astonishing—cock-a-doodle-doo at sunrise felt like a cruel joke. I was determined that my own children would be different—more reasonable.
A year later, my first daughter made her entrance into the world. While I was whisked away for stitches, her dad held her skin-on-skin, creating their first bond. That night, I attempted to feed, change, and swaddle her before placing her in the clear plastic bassinet next to my hospital bed, a strategy meant to ensure safe sleep. But she cried. I wanted to be the perfect parent, so I tried again, checking her diaper and adjusting her swaddle. Still, she wailed.
Finally, a midwife entered the room, gently settled my daughter in the crook of my arm, and that’s when she finally slept. I was terrified. “This isn’t how I envisioned it,” I thought. Co-sleeping wasn’t part of my plan. We swaddled her, used a pacifier, and when the time came, I removed the pacifier, determined to raise a good sleeper. But my focus on outcomes overshadowed my enjoyment of motherhood in those moments. Getting woken by cries at 5:45 a.m. for nearly two years turned out to be a cost-effective alternative to alarm clocks.
What I’ve since learned is that sometimes, babies just fuss because they want to be near their mothers. It’s a natural instinct.
When my second daughter arrived, the experience was markedly different. With the help of an epidural and laughing gas, she came into the world as calm as could be. During our skin-to-skin time, I welcomed her and promised her safety in an unpredictable world. Just two hours post-birth, she was nestled in her cot, and by three months, she was sleeping soundly from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. Today, at 20 months, she still delights in a two-hour afternoon nap, her thumb tucked in her mouth. Had I finally cracked the code to infant sleep?
I’ve learned that some babies are simply more inclined to sleep than others.
Then came my third daughter. Emerging with a clenched fist like a little warrior, she latched onto me, and I quickly realized we had another tongue-tied baby. This feisty little one, who consumed a lot of air while feeding, often woke up screaming in her sleep.
Some babies just need to suck—that’s a fact.
With my three daughters, I’ve come to understand that each baby is a unique individual with distinct preferences and vulnerabilities. We cannot dictate who they will be—not their physical traits or their sleeping patterns.
I’ve learned that sleep is akin to water. It can be influenced, but never entirely controlled. I have my regrets about my early parenting approach, particularly how hard I was on myself for not trusting my instincts about the type of parent I wanted to be. Ultimately, we don’t control their outcomes; we only determine what kind of parent we wish to be in each moment, not the final result.
Parenting is not about control or creation; it’s about response. While we may utilize scientific insights to guide our choices, parenting is far more of an art than a science.
I’ve also recognized that my journey in learning never truly ends. Sleep can wait.
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In summary, my experiences with sleep and parenting have taught me that each child is unique, and while we may strive for certain outcomes, the journey is about understanding and responding to our little ones’ needs.
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