Being a stay-at-home mom can sometimes feel like a double-edged sword. There are days when I find myself making excuses for my choices, constantly justifying my existence to myself. It’s as if I’m battling an inner critic that believes the world is watching and judging me. When I finally get a moment to breathe, I often push myself to be productive, convinced that I can’t afford to just sit and scroll through my phone. Laziness seems unacceptable.
I’m not here to debate society’s perception of stay-at-home parents; that conversation has been had ad nauseam. However, I do ponder how we perceive ourselves through societal lenses after making life choices. For instance, would you view me differently if I confessed that the other day, I enjoyed a rare three-hour window while my kids were at school? Instead of fretting over finances, job hunting, or household chores, I treated myself to an hour and a half of yoga in the middle of the day. Afterwards, I strolled over to a local coffee shop and spent a mere $1.34 on a drink.
I know what goes through people’s minds when they hear such things. I hear it in my own thoughts: spoiled, privileged, and definitely not contributing to society. If I have the luxury of attending a yoga class during the day, it’s clear that I must be wasting valuable time.
These judgments stem from a culture that equates busyness with worth. In this American society, being busy is often viewed as a badge of honor: “Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously, your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.”
As stay-at-home parents, we grapple with proving our significance—not just to those around us, but also to ourselves. In a world that esteems constant activity, how do I, as a stay-at-home mom who sometimes sips coffee during the day, find my value? I attended yoga in the morning, embodying the stereotype that many look down upon. That stereotype has seeped into my own consciousness, leading me to disdain myself. It’s a vicious cycle.
In a society that glorifies multitasking supermoms—those who balance cooking, cleaning, running businesses, and somehow managing to prepare freezer meals for the month—it’s tough not to measure myself against such impossible standards. This realization has led me to conclude that the root of the so-called Mommy Wars isn’t just about who has it harder; it’s about our collective cultural obsession with busyness. Whoever is busier is deemed more important, and we engage in a futile competition about our packed schedules.
It seems absurd, doesn’t it? Why should we care who is deemed more indispensable to society based solely on our color-coded, over-scheduled calendars? Ultimately, we are all vital to our children and families; that should be enough. Yet, I still find myself caught up in these comparisons.
I don’t want to be that person who tries to do it all at the cost of my happiness and well-being. I’ve lived that life, and I know the toll it takes. Everyone makes their own choices, and for some, that busy lifestyle suits them perfectly. However, for me, it felt like wearing a hideous dress that everyone noticed but no one admired. My family still chuckles about that phase, recalling how I attempted to juggle everything, only to crash and burn spectacularly.
I’ve learned that I thrive in a calmer environment, yet I still struggle with self-doubt and societal judgment. I compare myself to the values instilled in me by a long-ago teacher who embodied the Puritan work ethic, a lesson I can’t seem to shake off. The world has always revered hard work, and I find myself measuring my worth against that outdated standard.
So, what can we do to change this narrative and address the conflict within ourselves? We need to start valuing moments of stillness and simplicity. One of my dear friends once told me, “I love my life! I get to stay home, cook, paint, and simply be present. Sure, summers can be tough, but I cherish the days when I lounge on the couch for thirty minutes and do absolutely nothing, just because I can. Why should I apologize for that?”
Implicit in her words is a profound question: why do we feel the need to justify our choices? Why do we feel guilty for taking time for ourselves? To clarify, I’m not suggesting we all lounge around watching television while neglecting responsibilities. But even if I did, who would care as long as I’m fulfilling my duties and nurturing my family? I should enjoy those tacos and binge my favorite shows without a shred of guilt.
As I approach my 40s, I’ve come to terms with my changing body and the natural signs of aging. I’ve learned to stop worrying about others’ opinions. I don’t need accolades for my achievements, nor do I aspire to leave a legacy etched in stone. I’ve come to admire those who do it all while wanting to whisper to them, “You know you don’t have to, right? The world will still love you.”
In my journey, I’ve discovered that happiness isn’t always visible, and busyness certainly shouldn’t be my measure of success. I want to shift my mindset and embrace my choices fully. It’s time I start loving my life, just as it is.
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Summary:
This blog post delves into the internal conflicts faced by stay-at-home moms regarding societal perceptions of busyness and worth. It emphasizes the need to value quiet moments and personal choices without guilt, encouraging readers to embrace their unique paths in motherhood.
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