When my daughter was thirteen, she often declared, “I want to be like Clara when I grow up.” Clara is a friend of mine, thriving in the entertainment industry, living a lifestyle filled with glamour and dating a range of fascinating men, from firefighters to corporate lawyers.
Interestingly, Clara finds herself envious of our friend, Jamie, a dedicated stay-at-home mom with two preteens, a cozy home, and a supportive partner. When we visit Jamie, we’re treated to exquisite five-course meals, and her daughters are often dressed in designer clothing. Her kitchen radiates warmth, serving as a gathering space for neighbors to drink coffee and discuss everything under the sun.
Meanwhile, Jamie dreams of stepping into my shoes. She yearns to be a working mother, to earn her own income, to enjoy leisurely lunches, and to navigate meetings with demanding business professionals. She wishes for the freedom to prepare a quick frozen dinner without guilt.
As for me? There are days I long to rewind the clock to my teenage years and embrace the simplicity of that time again.
This cycle of admiration and envy among women is as old as time. Ever since the dawn of creation, women have yearned for what they do not possess—whether it’s a different body type, hairstyle, or lifestyle. We often feel that the grass is greener in someone else’s shoes.
Embracing Our True Selves
So, how do we embrace the women we are rather than constantly striving to be someone else?
Clara’s mother is a renowned journalist who leads an exciting life, traveling across the country and raising Clara alone after an early divorce. Jamie’s mother, in contrast, never held a job, finding joy in her sunny kitchen as neighbors flocked to share coffee and camaraderie. My own mother entered the workforce when I turned twelve, imparting valuable domestic skills along the way. She ensured I always wore appropriate attire for school drop-offs—because heaven forbid I would be caught in an accident wearing just a robe.
We absorb lessons from our mothers through their words and actions. I witnessed my mother catering to my father’s needs and absorbed her beliefs about relationships, such as the importance of never going to bed angry. While we learn much from our predecessors, we must also recognize the inevitability of change.
As decades pass—some marked by sensuality and rebellion, others by empowerment—we adopt what resonates with us and discard the rest, shaping our beliefs and lifestyles. The 1920s granted women the right to vote; the 1940s ushered us into the workforce; the 1950s returned us to the home with renewed pride; the 1960s ignited the bra-burning movement; the 1970s championed equality in the workplace; the 1980s saw us climbing corporate ladders; the 1990s reignited the fight for bodily autonomy; and now, in the 21st century, we stand poised to lead and shape society.
As women evolve, so do our daughters, in a slow but steady transformation. How many of us can see glimpses of our grandmothers in our daughters or recognize our mothers within ourselves?
“My daughter used to say, ‘I don’t want to be like you,’” as she skillfully tied her thick, curly hair—mirroring mine—into a ponytail. Standing side by side in front of the mirror, she shares my eyes and smile, watching herself with an expression reminiscent of my own. While she claims she doesn’t want to emulate me, can she truly escape it? I often catch her echoing my words to her children, phrases that once belonged to my mother and her mother before her.
Of course, the language evolves—words like “neat” transformed into “cool,” then “bitchin’” and “bad,” and now we have “LOL” and “OMG.” Yet, the essence remains the same: we strive to guide our daughters in navigating life and creating a world where they can thrive as fully realized individuals.
My daughter embodies the spirit of the ’60s, the confidence of the ’80s, and the awareness of this new century. She shares many traits with me, yet she is undeniably her own person—much like I was with my mom.
Further Reading
For more insights into the journey of womanhood, check out our other post on embracing the transitions of motherhood. If you’re considering starting your own family, you can find reputable options at Make a Mom for fertility supplements and at ACOG for comprehensive resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, the journey of womanhood is filled with admiration, envy, growth, and transformation. As we navigate our identities, we also shape the paths for our daughters, ensuring that they embrace their authentic selves.
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