Dear Cancer,
Let me be clear: I despise you. I loathe everything you represent—the despair, fear, and loss you inflict. You came at me uninvited, attacking in a moment when I was blissfully unaware that you even knew my name. Your presence has not only shaken me to my core but has also left my family quaking in fear.
I wish for your end. I yearn to see you vanish, to wither away and never haunt another soul again. No one would mourn your absence. We all long for the day when we can say you are gone for good. This sentiment transcends my own family and friends; it is shared by everyone who has ever faced your wrath.
You instill such terror that I once feared even saying your name out loud, thinking it might summon you back into my life. But alas, you arrived regardless. You took me hostage and posed a threat to my very existence. The most chilling thought is that you might return at any moment, stealthy and swift, to finish what you began. I find myself grappling for control in this battle against you, and despite my efforts to prepare, I know it might not be enough to vanquish you.
Countless individuals have dedicated their lives to finding ways to eliminate you from this planet. Many have fought longer and harder than I have, and while some have emerged victorious, others have succumbed. You made me face the unimaginable: a world without me, where my daughters grow up without a mother to comfort them, where my husband sleeps alone, haunted by my absence. The thought of being replaced, of another woman stepping into my role, teaching my girls to navigate life’s milestones, is unbearable.
If you were to win, my world would continue without me. My children would eventually smile again, and perhaps my husband would find love anew. But I fervently pray that you will be eradicated instead.
Every day, I hope you will leave me in peace. Yet, just when I begin to feel comfortable, you invade my thoughts once more. You attack without warning, leaving your mark that alters me forever. I have tried to excise parts of myself in a desperate attempt to keep you at bay; I have endured pain and suffering, hoping it would be enough to ensure you would never return.
Two years have passed since I received the devastating diagnosis of breast cancer—a turbulent journey of over 700 days filled with excruciating treatments and surgeries. I’ve faced the horror of losing a part of myself and endured the physical and emotional toll of chemotherapy. My hair fell out, my energy was sapped, yet I still found ways to smile and cherish moments with my loved ones.
It was only after my final treatment that the full weight of my fear crashed upon me. I had worn a brave face for months, assuring everyone I was okay, but the truth was buried deep within. I’ve emerged from this battle, and on the surface, life appears unchanged. My daughters still have their mother, my parents their daughter, and my husband his wife. Yet, life is more vivid now; every moment is a treasure.
I felt a rush of emotion when my eldest daughter got her ears pierced before her fifth birthday, not knowing if I would witness such milestones. I celebrated her kindergarten graduation with overwhelming joy. I have become more aware of the importance of every hug, every “I love you,” and each shared laugh.
So, while I harbor an immense hatred for you, Cancer, I must also express gratitude. Your unwelcome intrusion has taught me to appreciate the fleeting nature of life, to focus on the positive, and to be kinder and more compassionate in all situations. We are all mere mortals, and none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I hope the memories I leave behind are joyful and that you are absent from them.
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In summary, my battle with cancer has reshaped my perspective on life, love, and the importance of cherishing every moment. I may despise what you have done, but I am thankful for the clarity you have provided.
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