Menu Lifestyle
How Parenthood Alleviated My Loneliness
by Jane Mitchell
Updated: May 27, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 9, 2015
Before embracing motherhood, I felt a persistent sense of loneliness. While I had friends and engaged in various social activities—weekend outings, travels, music sessions, and meet-ups—something always felt amiss. Despite having a partner and close friends, there were many nights I returned home to an empty space, preparing for bed alone. Long, quiet Sundays stretched ahead, leaving me feeling isolated.
Then I met my partner, and soon after, we welcomed our children. Instantly, that feeling of loneliness evaporated. Living in a vibrant community filled with families and stay-at-home parents provided ample opportunities for social interaction. Plus, my partner is not just my love but also my closest friend. With so many connections—romantic, familial, and casual—it’s hard to feel alone.
Yet, I sometimes wonder if having kids truly solves loneliness or simply masks it. My days are so packed with activities that there’s barely a moment to entertain lonely thoughts. I’ve listened to other mothers describe how having children lifted their spirits, filling their days to the brim. Being constantly engaged—whether it’s reminding kids to put on their shoes or figuring out dinner—leaves little room for feelings of sadness. I want to clarify that I’m not downplaying the very real struggles of serious depression here.
I relate to the sentiment many express about loneliness. With kids, every day is filled with social interactions, from friendly conversations with grandmothers at the grocery store to parents sharing experiences at the playground. Appointments with pediatricians and parent-teacher conferences fill my calendar, leaving no space to dwell on feelings of isolation.
I believe this relentless busyness is key to overcoming loneliness, regardless of whether one has children. Researchers often suggest just 20 minutes of exercise three times a week is enough for good health. While that’s true, I’ve found that when I manage to exercise for longer—like for three hours—I feel incredible. The same principle applies to socializing. When I was single, I had plans a couple of times a week and thought I was doing well. But now, as a parent, social interactions happen all day long, with each engagement serving a purpose: feeding the family, taking the kids to the park, or shopping. Even work feels meaningful, as it provides for my loved ones. This natural busyness, coupled with a clear sense of purpose, creates an antidote to loneliness that’s hard to replicate without children.
In moments of “preemptive nostalgia,” I glance at my boys, now ages 2 and 5, and think, “This is truly a wonderful time in my life.” They still rely on me heavily, but it’s not the exhausting phase of infancy. The days are approaching when we’ll be free of diapers and strollers. They’re still adorable and funny, blissfully unaware of my quirks. My partner and I share countless moments of laughter over their antics.
Sometimes, the thought that “they’ll eventually leave” weighs heavily on my heart, evoking fears that loneliness may return—a lurking specter waiting to pounce when I’m older and they’ve ventured out into the world. My current routine of “wake up, dash from one commitment to another, and collapse into bed at 11 PM” will shift. I often yearn for simple pleasures—like a few quiet hours to read the newspaper or a break from the never-ending dishes. I hope that these desires won’t come at the cost of feeling lonely.
I suspect I’ll need to create new commitments to fill the void once my children grow up and move on, replacing the chaotic, fulfilling days I currently experience. Perhaps that’s the secret: not just having kids, but recognizing that the real solution lies in living a full life—far fuller than one might have ever imagined. When my boys eventually leave, I hope they’ll have helped me build a supportive community where I greet the butcher and chat with the friendly neighbor tending her garden.
Someday, those quiet Sundays might return, but for now, I cherish the absence of loneliness, and I’m deeply grateful. I’ll savor every moment, even if it feels cliché when older generations remind me to enjoy this time.
For more insights on this topic, check out one of our other posts here. If you’re considering at-home options for family planning, this retailer offers trusted insemination kits. Additionally, this resource provides valuable information about pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, becoming a parent has transformed my life, filling it with joy and connection. While I sometimes ponder the future, I am grateful for the present, enjoying each moment with my family.
Leave a Reply