As a newlywed, I thought I was the epitome of a great wife. I prioritized my marriage daily, focusing on the little things—bringing home my partner’s favorite craft beer, surprising him with back rubs, and graciously handing over the remote for his favorite soccer match, even if it meant missing my beloved reality TV shows.
People warned me that everything would change once we welcomed a baby. While I understood the theory behind it, I couldn’t fathom putting anyone ahead of my husband—he was my top priority. Fast forward two years, and our baby boy arrived.
Guess who now holds that number-one position? Unfortunately, when my husband got demoted to second place, it also meant he became my primary target for yelling. Before you rush to start a support group for mistreated husbands of new mothers or offer him a place to crash, let me clarify: Yes, it’s awful that I yell at him almost daily. But trust me, it’s equally distressing to be the one doing the yelling.
The amazing wife I used to be has transformed into a stressed-out, sleep-deprived individual who yells at her partner until her voice gives out. Here are the top six reasons why I find myself raising my voice:
- I Can’t Yell at the Baby
About 90% of the time when I’m venting at my husband, it’s about the baby. Let’s face it, no sane person yells at a tiny, innocent infant for the chaos they bring. Instead, I direct my frustrations at my husband, blaming him for the baby’s antics—like waking up multiple times at night or spitting up just as I’m dressed for work. - I Can’t Yell at My Boss or Coworkers
I’m fortunate to have a job that I genuinely enjoy, working with a fantastic team. However, spending 40 hours a week with the same people means occasional annoyances are inevitable. When that happens, guess who gets the brunt of my frustrations? That’s right, my partner. - I Haven’t Eaten All Day
I am the very definition of “hangry.” My husband learned early on in our relationship that if I announce my hunger, he has a very limited time to feed me before I become unbearable. Juggling baby care often means I forget to eat, leading to a cranky me. God help him if he comes home without a snack. - I Haven’t Slept in Days
Make that months. There’s a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture. During those early months, I was so exhausted I felt like I was losing my mind. When it came time to take care of the baby at night, “It’s your turn” became my battle cry. If he hesitated? Let’s just say things escalated quickly. - I Didn’t Go for a Run
I didn’t realize how much my identity was tied to running until I became a new mom. My husband understood that a quick jog was my mood booster, but with a baby, finding time for a run has become nearly impossible. See how the previous points contribute to this? - He Forgives Me
Marriage is tough, especially with a newborn. It demands resilience and, above all, forgiveness. Despite all the yelling and disagreements, my husband continues to forgive me time and again. I know this phase won’t last forever, and while our relationship is currently tested, we still find joy in those quiet moments together.
Every now and then, when I’m snuggled up with my husband, baby, and our dog on a lazy Sunday morning, I’m reminded that amidst the yelling, there’s a lot of love. It’s a different kind of happiness, and yes, I might yell at him soon after, but those shared moments make it all worth it.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out this other blog post on managing the ups and downs of parenting. And if you’re considering starting a family, Cryobaby’s home insemination kits are a great option for at-home insemination. Additionally, UCSF’s resource on IVF offers comprehensive information for those exploring their fertility options.
In summary, while the transition to parenthood can be challenging and lead to moments of frustration, it also brings immense joy and opportunities for growth in our relationships.
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