I’m expecting my second child—another boy. After this, my family plan is complete, and I’m genuinely, absolutely, completely fine with that. But I’ve come to realize that I’ll be explaining my contentment for many years to come.
Gender disappointment is a common phenomenon, where parents feel let down if their child doesn’t match their gender preference. I, however, am riding a wave of gender joy. I have healthy baby joy. I have I-survived-the-first-trimester-while-feeling-like-I-had-a-hangover joy (minus the tequila, of course).
Most of my close friends understand my excitement about having two boys and being blessed with a healthy baby after navigating a challenging path to get here— but that’s a story for another time. Unfortunately, the world outside my circle seems fixated on my lack of daughters. I’m only 17 weeks along, and I’ve already had the same conversation a dozen times. (Side note: I look further along than I really am, thanks to diastasis recti and a fondness for frosted pastries). Here’s a typical exchange:
Stranger: Is this your first?
Me: No, I already have a son.
Stranger: Do you know what you’re having this time?
Me: Another boy!
Stranger [smile fading]: “Oh! Well, that’s alright, right? Boys are fun. Maybe you’ll have a girl next time!”
No one warned me about these interactions. While I’m not offended, I’m not looking forward to repeating them for the next several months. And I definitely don’t want to spend years saying, “No, we’re done, and we’re perfectly fine without a girl.”
What about all those moms of boys who are now raising adolescents, teenagers, or grown men? Are they still reassuring others that having only boys was just fine?
I once had an acquaintance, upon learning the gender of my second child, say, “Congratulations! But you know, you’re going to end up lonely since boys don’t look after their parents when they get older.” I waited for the punchline. There wasn’t one; she was completely serious.
Here’s a little secret: I actually wanted two boys. I’m already seasoned at aiming the diaper. I understand that little boys can be rambunctious, tender, charming, messy, and absolutely delightful. Plus, I’m excited that my first son will have a brother.
While any combination of genders would bring its own joys, I’m genuinely thrilled with the hand I’ve been dealt. Yet, it seems society expects me to wish for a daughter. It’s not that the world actually cares about my feelings, but this particular topic tends to elicit strong reactions.
So, let’s clarify this now, to everyone I encounter—be it at the grocery store, a coffee shop, or even the doctor’s office:
- Yes! I have two boys!
- No, we didn’t try for a girl.
- Yes! Having two boys is a challenge, but it’s fantastic!
- No, we’re not planning a third child. Want to hear about my fertility prospects?
- No, I’m not interested in your homeopathic remedies for conceiving a girl.
- Yes, we have plenty of toy trucks (but who knows? My second son might love princesses, so let’s not box him in).
- Yes, I have nieces who adore Frozen, so I can indulge in that whenever I want.
It’s nice to hear that you know someone who had a girl after two boys, but that’s not happening here.
No, I don’t have any issues with girls. My relationship with my mother is wonderful; I admire her greatly. I’m simply a proud boy mom, and that’s more than enough for me.
I hope I don’t spend my life feeling defensive about not having a daughter. I aspire to focus on the gratitude I have for my two healthy boys, teaching them to bake cookies, hold doors open, engage in sports, give meaningful hugs, and treat everyone with kindness and respect.
And when all my friends are off having mother-daughter brunches, I’ll happily join in, pouring mimosas for the moms. Or I might just sleep in because, let’s be honest, boys love to sleep in, right? Right?! OK, just humor me and say yes.
If you’re interested in more parenting insights, check out this post about navigating family dynamics here. And for those considering at-home options, BabyMaker offers great kits, while Johns Hopkins Fertility Center is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
In sharing her experience of expecting a second son, the author reflects on societal expectations surrounding gender and her joy in having two boys. She emphasizes her contentment with her family dynamics, while also addressing the unsolicited opinions and assumptions from strangers. Ultimately, she looks forward to embracing her role as a boy mom, filled with love and gratitude for her children.
Leave a Reply