What on earth has happened in the world of fashion? It feels as though the garment industry has completely abandoned its 2,000-year legacy of crafting clothing meant to fit and flatter the human form. Today, we are bombarded with more denim options than ever—from various cuts to a dizzying array of washes—yet finding a pair that actually fits seems like a cruel joke.
Step into any clothing store, and you’ll find an endless selection of jeans: skinny, super skinny, ultra-skinny, and so on. There are straight jeans, curvy jeans, and even those elusive boyfriend jeans. But what I’m really searching for is the perfect pair of metrosexual boyfriend jeans—stylish yet comfortable. Where are they hiding?
While I may struggle to find my ideal denim match, there is no shortage of choices. I can select from finishes like distressed, faded, and dark wash, or even my personal favorite, worn crystal. Don’t even get me started on the rises! We have mid-rise, low-rise, ultra-low-rise, and the absurdly named half-ass-hanging-out-rise. But where’s the classic high-rise? Where’s the take-cover-for-the-flab rise that keeps everything in check?
And let’s not forget about skimmer jeans; there are countless varieties of those as well! After sifting through heaps of denim, tossing aside option after option in search of my size only to find it in the wrong length, I finally turned to a young sales associate who was restocking the towering shelves of jeans.
“Excuse me, I’ve just made a mess of your well-organized display, but do you have any mid-rise dark-wash skimmer jeans in size 8 ankle?” I asked, hoping for a miracle. The 23-year-old looked at me with a blank expression and replied, “We have the deconstructed dark-wash skimmer jeans in size 8 ankle, but they’re low-rise, or the super-skinny-always-skinny skimmer legging jeans in size 8 ankle, but they’re ultra-low-rise.”
Frustrated, I pressed on. “But with all this denim, how do you not have any mid-rise options in my size?”
Sadly, her response confirmed my fears. I was not 18 anymore, and the fashion world seemed to be conspiring against me.
Let me clarify: I am not advocating for the high-rise jeans of yesteryear, the dreaded mom jeans of my mother’s generation. No, I’m talking about a modern solution—a jean that embodies both fashion and function for women who have experienced the beauty of childbirth or simply matured past the age of 21. We deserve jeans that honor our dignity and style. Because despite our desensitization to unwanted butt-crack sightings, it’s time to say it loud and clear: crack is wack.
What baffles me is why such jeans don’t already exist. This isn’t just wishful thinking; it’s entirely feasible. When I find myself disheartened by the lack of suitable options—especially after an exhausting day at the mall—I often gaze out my window and reminisce about the days when clothing was designed to fit, not to be a constant battle. I remember a time before muffin tops and the necessity of special undergarments to keep everything in place.
I propose we take a stand! A society that tolerates unsolicited crack sightings is not a civilized one. We once had jeans that fit well, and we can have them again. We must rise up and demand denim that offers comfort and style, for while our options have expanded, they have not risen to the occasion.
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In conclusion, it’s high time we advocate for jeans that fit us as we are, not as a stereotype dictates. The world of denim must evolve alongside us.
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