Last week, my 5-year-old son started taking violin lessons, but his enthusiasm seems less than vibrant. My partner and I both enjoy music and often play guitar and sing at home, so he has been surrounded by melodies since he was a baby. He even asked for music lessons after receiving a hand-me-down violin from a friend. However, during his first lesson, he was surprisingly quiet and only reluctantly echoed the melodies his instructor taught him. Whether he will want to continue and dedicate enough time to practice remains uncertain.
My partner and I are at odds about whether to insist he keep up with the lessons, despite his current lack of interest. I believe that learning to play an instrument, understand music, and develop auditory skills early on is a priceless gift, even if he doesn’t see it that way right now. To me, regular lessons and daily practice should be a non-negotiable part of his childhood, regardless of his immediate feelings. My partner, on the other hand, thinks music should be a source of joy, suggesting that both children and adults should engage with it only when they feel inspired and at a comfortable pace.
Our perspectives are undoubtedly influenced by our own childhood experiences with music. Both of us had violin and piano lessons but were never coerced into practicing; we could quit whenever we chose. While my partner has become quite skilled at guitar as an adult, I still consider myself a novice. He is content with his musical journey and does not regret stepping away from lessons, while I sometimes wish my mother had nudged me to continue and practice. It’s easy to romanticize that idea, but I recognize that getting a child to put in the hours needed to master an instrument isn’t simple. If my son strongly resists practicing and attending lessons, I might find myself giving up as well.
For now, we’re focusing on keeping music enjoyable. We sing silly songs together as a family, and he has a keen sense for when we’re trying to sneak in a lesson disguised as fun, like when I sing scales and call it the “numbers song.” Right now, it seems only train-themed songs will do. We also allow him a little extra bedtime if he chooses to play or sing with us, and the violin has become his “special thing,” off-limits to his younger brother.
Music should remain a source of joy, and I’m not quite sure why it didn’t resonate with me as a child but does now. My partner points out that, as adults, we have the freedom to choose our teachers, songs, and practice schedules—something children typically lack. Even if my son decides against continuing with the violin, he can explore other instruments or simply enjoy singing with us. Regardless of whether he opts out of lessons entirely, I hope he becomes an active listener, allowing music to enrich his life for years to come. That alone would make the effort worthwhile.
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In summary, the decision to encourage a child to take music lessons can be complex. While the benefits of musical education are clear, it’s crucial to strike a balance between fostering a love for music and respecting a child’s autonomy. The goal should be to create a joyful experience that nurtures a lifelong appreciation for music, regardless of the path it takes.
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