A close friend of mine, who is expecting her first child (bless her heart!), recently inquired about what to expect during those routine monthly OB appointments. Let me tell you, they can be somewhat mundane. Seriously, anticlimactic! Here’s the lowdown for those new to this experience, ensuring you’re not caught off guard:
- Check-in and answer the 27 questions the receptionist throws at you about your insurance and address, which hasn’t changed since 2011.
- Settle into a chair that rivals a church pew in comfort. Get cozy; you might be here for a while!
- Mindfully avoid eye contact with the other patients—unless it’s that one chatty grandma who hasn’t grasped that discussing the weather can be less than thrilling.
- Pretend to be interested in a dated issue of Golf Digest (for the occasional male visitor) or a Good Housekeeping from May 2014.
- Engage in a mental game of “Who’s Pregnant?” among the waiting room crowd. That woman in the corner? Total mystery.
- Thank your lucky stars you’re not the mom juggling a brood of four kids while waiting for her appointment.
- Eavesdrop on the woman who thinks a phone call on speaker mode is a good idea. Her drama is mildly entertaining—doesn’t she see the “No cellphones” sign?
- Observe the adorable couple there for their first prenatal appointment. Hey dude, good luck watching your partner get her vitals taken and endure the discomfort of the speculum! (If you find yourself in this situation, it’s okay to excuse yourself for future visits unless it’s a major ultrasound.)
- Wish you had brought a snack. Your stomach is growling.
- Consider tackling that woman munching on a Luna Bar for a bite, but decide against it; it’s probably the flavor with coconut.
- Pull out your phone—who cares about the “No cell phones” rule? Boredom has set in, and you’ve seen eight people leave without seeing the doctor.
- Listen as the new patient loudly complains about the wait time. Seriously? You haven’t even skimmed the Golf Digest yet.
- Yay! Your name is called! Wait, why are you excited to have your lady parts examined with a tube drenched in lube?
- Step on the scale and fight back tears.
- Wince as the nurse checks your blood pressure and shakes her head.
- Try to pee in a cup that seems designed for a toddler. Hope you managed to squeeze out enough. Brace yourself for the doctor’s lecture about hydration, which feels ironic since you’re already drowning in fluids.
- Repeat your due date and last menstrual period to the nurse for the fifth time that day.
- Lift your shirt and lower your pants slightly as the nurse searches for fetal heart tones on your belly (if over 12 weeks). Have a mini panic attack until she finds it. Good luck getting that sticky gel off!
- Hope this appointment doesn’t involve an exam.
- Well, shoot…
- Undress in a room that feels like either the Arctic or a sauna.
- Perch awkwardly on a crunchy paper covering a hard exam table, wishing for escape. But you’re committed now—time to read those birth control posters on the wall.
- Wait.
- And wait some more.
- Wait until you’re about to scream from frustration.
- A knock on the door! Time to get this show on the road!
- Oh, look, an intern is with the doctor. Great, he’s younger than you and kind of cute. Just fantastic.
- Stare at the not-so-relaxing mountain stream poster on the ceiling while the doctor performs the exam. Fingers crossed you don’t spot afterward from the irritation.
- Questions, questions—what were you going to ask again? Resolve to write them down next time and feel a tad irresponsible.
- You might be sent for blood work, which, let’s be real, feels like they’re taking a gallon.
- Schedule your next appointment with the receptionist, where there’s only one slot available for the next millennium.
- Leave feeling like you need a shower and some iron supplements. Oh, and that water you keep forgetting.
- Make a pit stop at Burger King. Order onion rings and hope they count as a veggie serving.
- Mental note: Bring a book and a snack next time. (Don’t worry, you’ll forget.)
- Rinse and repeat in a month or sooner.
Exciting, right? Right?! Some appointments throw in extras like diabetes testing or screenings that ramp up the anxiety, plus a long wait for results. You might even get an ultrasound, but unless it’s a significant appointment like the anatomy scan, don’t hold your breath. I understand your excitement for the next appointment! But hey, at least you’re on your journey to becoming a mom, which is truly incredible! For more insights on this journey, check out one of our other blog posts.
If you’re looking for great resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Facts About Fertility for valuable information. And for at-home insemination tools, Make A Mom offers reliable kits to help you along the way.
Summary
Expecting moms can expect a series of routine OB appointments that may seem mundane but are essential for monitoring their pregnancy. From the check-in process to the eventual check-up, navigating these appointments can be a bit of a challenge, especially when dealing with uncomfortable seating and long wait times. However, each visit provides important insights into the health of both mother and baby, making the experience worthwhile. Remember to bring snacks and questions for your next appointment!
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