As a proud mom of three wonderful children, all of whom joined our family shortly after birth, I can tell you that the adoption journey is as rewarding as it is challenging. With my Type A tendencies, I found the unpredictability of adoption particularly difficult to navigate. Each new child has taught me to relax and take things one step at a time. If you’re on the path to adoption, here are five important things you may need to relinquish along the way.
1. Privacy
Undergoing a home study is about as personal as it gets. You’ll need to open up about your finances, past relationships, and even your home environment. It can feel like airing your laundry for everyone to see. Once your adoption is public, get ready for questions that can be downright intrusive. Queries like “How much did he cost?” or “Why was she placed for adoption?” are common. To brace yourself for this, you might want to keep a stash of wine handy.
2. Financial Stability
Adoption can be an expensive endeavor. From application fees to home study costs, the expenses can add up quickly. But the real shock often comes after the adoption is finalized. The costs of raising a child—activities, gear, and even a new vehicle—can leave your budget gasping for air. Just when you think you’re financially prepared, the need for yet another extracurricular activity can have you reconsidering a second adoption.
3. Control
In the world of adoption, control is a luxury you won’t have. The timeline, the child you welcome, and your experience are all unpredictable. It can feel like a rollercoaster ride that you didn’t sign up for. Surrendering control can help you enjoy the ride with less stress and fewer impulse purchases to cope with the uncertainty. Sometimes a little humor—and maybe a glass of wine—can make all the difference.
4. Pride
Get ready to dig into some humble pie. Between the financial strains, privacy invasions, and the chaos of the adoption process, you won’t be living the high life. However, pride is overrated in parenting. Embrace a mindset of learning and openness by connecting with others who have walked this path. Adoption is about growth, empathy, and support, not about being right.
5. Expectations
Having adopted three children, I can confidently say that the process rarely goes as planned. Each adoption brought its own surprises and challenges—from unexpected arrivals to hurdles with paperwork. Instead of setting high expectations, consider being open to the unexpected. A little patience, and perhaps a glass of wine, can make the journey more enjoyable.
Letting go of these five things will create the mental space for what truly matters: the joy of welcoming a new member into your family. For more insights into the adoption process, check out this post on our blog. Also, if you’re exploring at-home insemination options, make sure to visit a reputable retailer like Make A Mom for your needs. For additional information on pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC offers valuable resources to help you on your journey.
Summary: Adoption is a beautiful yet complex journey that often requires you to relinquish privacy, financial stability, control, pride, and expectations. Embracing these changes can lead to a more fulfilling experience as you welcome a new child into your life.
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