Why Breastfeeding My Toddlers Was Beneficial for Us

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When my husband, Mike, and I welcomed our first child into the world over a decade ago, we found ourselves navigating the intricacies of parenting with much curiosity and a fair share of humor. One evening, we hosted a couple who were still childless. As we chatted in the living room, our lively almost-3-year-old, Lily, approached me, casually leaned on the arm of my chair, and dropped a bombshell that left our friends speechless: “Wanna nurse?” I nearly choked on my drink as I burst into laughter. “Maybe later,” I replied, while our friends’ eyes widened in disbelief. “Did she just say what I think she said?” they asked. Yes, yes she did.

Our three children nursed until they were just over three years old. While this may seem unusual to some, it was a natural part of our parenting experience. By the time Lily made her request, we had nearly transitioned to nursing only at bedtime and first thing in the morning. We were still in the midst of weaning, and our friends witnessed a moment that was quite normal for us.

Given the array of opinions surrounding extended breastfeeding, let’s first address ten misconceptions that have nothing to do with our choice to nurse through toddlerhood:

1. To create discomfort for others.
2. To make a bold statement.
3. I’m obsessively attached to breastfeeding.
4. I crave attention.
5. I want my children to rely on me.
6. I believe I’m a superior parent.
7. I have trouble setting boundaries.
8. I fear my children growing up.
9. I’m too lazy to provide solid food.
10. I’m seeking validation.

These are stereotypes often projected onto mothers who choose to breastfeed beyond societal norms, but they don’t reflect my motivations. Here are ten genuine reasons why we continued our nursing journey:

1. Comfort: For our toddlers, nursing was their primary source of comfort, just as it had been from the beginning. Like pacifiers or stuffed animals, nursing provided a sense of security. I believe this contributed to a relatively tantrum-free experience during those years of exploration and independence.
2. Nutrition: Contrary to popular belief, breastmilk retains its nutritional value well beyond infancy. While children do need solid foods as they grow, breastmilk continues to offer valuable nutrients, making it a healthy option well past the one-year mark.
3. Cost-Effectiveness: Breastmilk is free. Why spend money on cow’s milk or alternatives when I had a readily available, nutritious source?
4. Convenience: When my nursing toddler requested milk, I didn’t have to move from my cozy spot. It was incredibly convenient, like having a cooler of drinks always at hand.
5. Informed Choices: With my mom being a lactation consultant, I was well-versed in the benefits of breastfeeding. I also researched extensively and found substantial evidence supporting extended breastfeeding, with no studies indicating harm. Anthropologist Katherine Dettwyler suggests that natural weaning for humans occurs between 2.5 and 7 years, as discussed in one of our other blog posts.
6. Respect for Their Needs: Our kids wanted to continue breastfeeding, and I felt it was crucial to respect that desire. We gradually weaned, creating a gentle transition rather than a sudden cutoff.
7. Calmness in Chaos: With toddlers bustling about, nursing offered moments of tranquility amidst the chaos. This may have contributed to the relatively few meltdowns we experienced.
8. Body Image: Admittedly, this is a personal benefit, but breastfeeding helped me maintain a physique I was happy with, and I enjoyed that perk.
9. Positive Experiences: I was breastfed until I was 2.5, and my husband until he was about 4. We turned out just fine, which made me feel more at ease about our choices.
10. Confidence in Our Decision: Despite societal discomfort surrounding extended breastfeeding, I felt secure in my choice, having seen numerous other families navigate it successfully.

If you met my children today, you wouldn’t know they nursed until age three; they don’t remember it at all. Our culture’s discomfort with “extended” breastfeeding is primarily based on societal norms and misconceptions.

I fully respect that not every mother wants or can breastfeed for that long, and I wouldn’t suggest it to anyone. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends at least one year, while the World Health Organization suggests two years or beyond, depending on mutual preference. These guidelines are not rigid rules.

Ultimately, it’s perfectly fine to nurse a child who can ask for it, or one who is eating solid food. Taking a gradual approach to weaning is also acceptable, depending on what works best for you and your child.

Motherhood is challenging enough without adding pressure or judgment. I hope sharing my reasoning for nursing longer than the norm helps others understand our choices. If you have any questions, feel free to ask—I’m here to share my experiences, trophy or no trophy.

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Summary

My experience with breastfeeding my toddlers extended beyond societal norms, driven by comfort, nutrition, and respect for their needs. By sharing my perspective, I hope to foster understanding and acceptance of diverse parenting choices.