By: Emily Thompson
Updated: Dec. 13, 2019
Originally Published: Sep. 26, 2015
Dear Partner,
Navigating this chapter of our lives has proven to be quite a challenge. It’s something we’ve often been told, that the early years of marriage can be rocky. Here we are, right in the thick of it.
And I know we’re not alone in feeling this way. Lately, I’ve seen several young couples, just like us, announcing the end of their marriages. I have to admit, those revelations take me by surprise. How can a couple so young give up on something that has scarcely begun?
But as we sit together in silence, each lost in our phones after a long day, I begin to understand. Those who warned us that marriage could be tough? They were spot on. It is hard. I think we can both acknowledge that this “for better or for worse” commitment has tested us more than we expected. In just a few short years, we’ve faced a whirlwind of challenges. We’ve tackled new jobs, unexpected career shifts, and some that we loathed. There have been moves, heartbreak with a miscarriage, illness, and the loss of loved ones. Financial stress and adult responsibilities have surged, far more than two young parents like us anticipated.
Let’s be honest, adding children to the equation has been one of the most significant hurdles. We find ourselves arguing over trivial things that wouldn’t even exist if we weren’t parents—like who has to wake up at the crack of dawn to the sound of our little one’s cries, who should manage the tantrum in the grocery store aisle, and why on earth a cookie was offered just before dinner.
These days, we spend precious little time as just the two of us. When we finally carve out a moment together, we often engage in mundane activities. We binge-watch our favorite shows, stroll through Target just for some peace, or sneak in a movie while indulging in the treats we usually deny the kids. Our conversations have dwindled, and when they do happen, they often turn into outlets for our stress and frustrations.
I know there have been moments during our pointless bickering when we’ve questioned if this is how it’s supposed to be. Have we really lost the ability to enjoy simple, carefree moments with our little one on those long Saturday afternoons? Are we the only ones who find ourselves debating who gets to watch the kids instead of embarking on grand family adventures?
Since we tied the knot and became parents, we’ve neglected ourselves and our relationship in favor of sleep. We might even admit that we’re embracing the “mom and dad bods.” Nights out with friends have become rare, and staying up late means we might make it to 10 PM—if we’re feeling adventurous. Our idea of a wild night is ordering pizza to avoid cooking or cleaning.
Let’s be real: our marriage has evolved significantly in just three short years. To some, it might not seem all that exciting.
But I want you to know something important.
This phase? It hasn’t caught me off guard. I anticipated the challenges. I’m not naive; I understand that we won’t simply outgrow the difficulties we face. Life isn’t like learning to ride a bike—there’s no single lesson to master before we can glide through the rest. Each new chapter will undoubtedly bring its own set of trials. Our marriage will continue to evolve, and we’re sure to encounter more growing pains along the way.
Yet, even amidst these challenging early years, I cherish our life together. I adore our quirky, simple existence. Even when my actions don’t reflect it, I love you during the quiet nights spent in front of the television because I am right there with you. I love you as we navigate financial stresses and tough decisions together. Despite the hurdles we’ve faced as a young couple, I recognize this is merely a season, and I am incredibly grateful to share it with you.
Yes, it’s tough at times. And I know there will be more challenging seasons ahead. There will be days when I’m head over heels for you and days when I feel distant. We’ll experience moments of pure joy and times when our faith is the only thread holding us together. There will be hardships unlike anything we’ve known, yet also blissful moments we’ll strive to hold onto forever. We’ll encounter boring days and chaotic ones, easy times and tough challenges, the joys of parenting and the demands of budgeting, triumphs and setbacks, happiness and sorrow, long nights and sleepless mornings. The seasons will shift, just as our life together will.
But one thing will remain constant, I am sure of it. Through every phase, dear Partner, I will love you and the life we’re building together.
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In summary, marriage can be tough, especially in the early years filled with challenges and changes. However, it’s essential to recognize the beauty in the journey and the love shared even during the hard times.
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