Parenting
So, my nine-year-old son is on the autism spectrum.
For weeks, I struggled to distill this reality into just a few words: “Ethan has autism.”
Last October, I received a call from the school psychologist. “Hi, Ms. Carter,” she said, “Can you come in this week to discuss Ethan’s IEP results?” Ethan has had an Individualized Education Plan since he began public school. However, our recent move to Nevada required fresh testing and documentation.
No problem! I was eager to discuss Ethan’s progress. He was thriving in 3rd grade, making remarkable strides in reading and writing. Among all my children, Ethan had adapted the best to our transition from Germany to Las Vegas.
As I sat across from the school psychologist, I was optimistic about the meeting, assuming it would be a quick review. My husband was away on a military assignment for four months, so I was managing everything solo, but a straightforward meeting felt manageable.
“So, isn’t Ethan doing great?” I chimed in cheerfully.
“Well, he is doing well,” she responded. “He’s an incredible kid. I’ve spent considerable time reviewing his IEP and communicating with his teachers.”
“Yeah, they send home wonderful notes, and he’s really excelling,” I said, blissfully unaware of what was coming.
“His assessment in Germany was extensive, and they did a thorough job,” she added.
“I know. We had a fantastic team working with us there,” I replied, completely missing her subtle cues.
“What I need to share with you is…after discussions with his teachers and speech therapist, we really believe Ethan is autistic.”
Silence engulfed me.
“What?” I was stunned, my mind racing. It felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me.
“We’ve been observing him, and I think we need to conduct a few more tests, with your permission, of course.”
“Wait, I don’t understand,” I said, clenching my fists. “We’ve had him evaluated multiple times since he was five, by specialists and leading developmental psychologists. Are you suggesting they all overlooked this? That you’re seeing something different?”
She explained that while Ethan had been tested for autism before, many symptoms often do not manifest until children are older—around 8 or 9. For instance, a six-year-old might not understand idioms. However, by age nine, children typically pick up on social cues and can recognize jokes.
Ethan, however, misses those cues entirely. My heart raced, and a heavy fog settled over me.
For a moment, all I could think was: your child is broken. He’s not progressing; he’s not catching up; he’s not like the other kids. This isn’t just quirkiness or anxiety; he doesn’t function in the same way, and this can’t be fixed and and and…
As a parent, it’s humbling to step out of the protective bubble you’ve built around your emotions and truly absorb what someone is trying to communicate. I had worried and contemplated this possibility even though many doctors had previously dismissed it. What if they were all wrong? Was I just deceiving myself?
With my husband miles away, and no family or friends nearby for support, the weight of Ethan’s potential diagnosis felt crushing. For a brief moment, I considered walking out of that office, ignoring the woman who dared to suggest my child might be on the spectrum. But then I thought, “Okay. What do I need to do? If you believe this is possible, let’s run those tests. Can we start right away?”
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to say, and I had to say it quickly before I lost my courage.
As we progressed through the first assessment, which required me to confront details I had conveniently overlooked, I knew the truth. While Ethan remained the same boy I had brought into that meeting, I had irrevocably changed.
Afterward, I sat in my car, unable to leave the parking lot. I called a friend who allowed me to cry without restraint. It’s hard to relive that feeling; it still makes my throat tighten. I can picture my beautiful blond boy, who loves to spend “alone time” with his terrarium. He’s charming, finds joy in simple things, is bright and kind, and worries about both me and his stuffed animals. He has a love for alliteration… And yes, he’s autistic.
In time, our reactions to the diagnosis aligned with a sense of clarity. My husband felt an overwhelming sense of relief, and I too began to understand the liberation that comes with a diagnosis. It alleviated many of my concerns about his obsessions, anxieties, and social quirks. It provided clarity, simplifying the complexities of his behavior.
Knowing my son is autistic has transformed our lives for the better.
If you’re interested in similar topics, check out this post on autism and parenting. And for those exploring insemination options, Make a Mom offers reliable at-home insemination supplies. Additionally, the UCSF Center is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination information.
Summary:
In this heartfelt account, Jenna Carter navigates the unexpected diagnosis of her son, Ethan, as autistic after years of evaluations. The journey unfolds during a meeting with a school psychologist, revealing the complexities of autism that often go unnoticed until children reach a certain age. Through emotional reflection, Jenna learns to embrace the diagnosis, finding relief and clarity in understanding her son’s unique qualities.
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