When I went in for my 36-week growth scan, I was hit with the heartbreaking news that my baby had passed away. The overwhelming blend of shock and despair consumed me. In those initial weeks, I would wake up in the middle of the night, momentarily forgetting the devastating truth. But as I transitioned from sleep to wakefulness, reality would hit me like a ton of bricks, reminding me that this was my new normal.
People often struggle to find the right words when you experience the loss of a child. It defies the natural order of life. In fact, there is no specific term for parents who endure the loss of a child. Think about that for a moment: if you lose your parents, you are labeled an orphan; if your spouse passes away, you become a widow or widower. But when a child is lost, society seems to be relieved that it’s not them facing such a devastating reality.
Conversations with friends and family during those early days are often awkward and uncomfortable. Some individuals understand that all you may need is a comforting hug and a kind word, while others inevitably say something well-meaning but utterly nonsensical. “Everything happens for a reason.”
I can’t count how many times I heard this phrase after my loss. I often wonder if people truly grasp what it implies or if they simply regurgitate it because they believe it sounds profound. When tragedy strikes, it seems that this five-word phrase is pulled out like a magic wand, as if it could restore order to a chaotic universe.
Did your beloved pet just get hit by a car? Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason. Lost your job and your home? No need to fret; everything happens for a reason. Your partner cheated on you? No problem, everything happens for a reason. Your child is facing bullying at school? Don’t be sad because everything happens for a reason. Your baby has died? Just remember, everything happens for a reason—even if no one can articulate what that reason might be.
The underlying suggestion is that someday you will understand this tragedy as a blessing in disguise or a lesson learned. So, stay strong and wait for the day when it all makes sense.
I wholeheartedly reject the idea that everything happens for a reason. Anyone who believes otherwise has likely never faced genuine tragedy. What reason could possibly justify the death of a perfectly healthy baby? Stumped? That’s because there isn’t one. There’s no divine wisdom to be uncovered; sometimes, it just plain hurts.
Why did our baby die when others are born addicted to substances? Why did our longed-for child pass away while another is neglected? Every time I hear about an abandoned baby or one facing abuse, I feel an urge to scream. Everything happens for a reason? Absolutely not. The truth is that life is random.
Your goodness or faith has no impact on the loss of a child. Did you think that being a good person would shield you from heartache? Think again. Life is unpredictable. Sometimes, bad things happen to the best people, and sometimes good fortune graces those who least deserve it. That’s simply how life operates. You have no control over it, so stop blaming yourself.
Stop trying to rationalize tragedy by insisting it must have a purpose. There isn’t always a silver lining or a lesson waiting to be learned. Life doesn’t always follow a neat narrative. Sometimes, unfortunate events occur without any explanation at all.
This article was originally published on Sep. 15, 2015. If you’re interested in further reading, check out this insightful post on other experiences of loss. For those looking into at-home insemination options, Make A Mom offers reliable products, including insemination kits. Additionally, the CDC provides valuable information about pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, sometimes life throws curveballs that are beyond our comprehension. It’s important to acknowledge the randomness of life’s events without trying to impose meaning or justification on them. Embrace the reality that sometimes things just happen, and that’s okay.
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