The moment has arrived. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never fit the mold of a “cool mom,” and honestly, that’s perfectly fine with me.
Think back to your own teenage years for a second. Remember that cringe-worthy moment when your mother did something so “mom-like” that you felt utterly humiliated? You likely swore to yourself, “When I become a mom, I’ll never pull something like that!” We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Fast forward to parenthood, and suddenly, we find ourselves morphing into the very embarrassing figures we once dreaded.
I have no ambition to be my daughter’s #bestie. In fact, I’m quite passionate about this stance. Growing up, my mom wasn’t my best friend. I didn’t rush home to share the details of my first kiss at 15, and I’m sure she’s grateful for that. I can only imagine her reaction if I had: “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? DON’T DO THAT AGAIN, YOU’LL GET CURABLE MOUTH DISEASES!” Not the best way to handle it, right? Thankfully, I have time to fine-tune my responses.
I was among the last of my friends to experience my first kiss—definitely a late bloomer. But now that I’m a mom, 15 seems alarmingly young. Friends in education have told me that by 6th grade, kids are already exploring intimate activities that no parent wants to think about. It’s shocking, really, and it makes me want to invest in a blowtorch for the inevitable 12-year-old boys who will come knocking on my door. “Berkley, want to come over and ride bikes?” “BACK OFF, JIMMY! Or you’ll find yourself on the receiving end of a blowtorch!”
I was blissfully unaware of such things at 12. Today’s kids are exposed to so much at an alarmingly young age, and it’s disheartening. That’s why I can’t throw around phrases like “I’m a cool mom!” like Amy Poehler in “Mean Girls” when discussing my parenting. I simply can’t be a cool mom.
I won’t turn a blind eye when I discover an inappropriate text on my daughter’s phone. Yes, you can bet that I’ll be monitoring her messages. I refuse to let my daughter and her boyfriend hang out alone in her room with the door closed, pretending I’m oblivious to what’s happening. I will never be the type of parent who condones underage drinking in the name of safety, thinking it’s better for them to drink at home. And there’s no way I’ll allow my daughter to wear outfits that leave little to the imagination, regardless of current fashion trends. Seriously, put some clothes on, kid; no one needs to see your minor butt-cheeks!
Do I sound like what some might label a “Hover Mom”? For those unfamiliar with the term, it describes an overly cautious mother who believes her child is in constant danger and can’t stand to be apart from them. While hover moms often face ridicule, I take pride in keeping a watchful eye on my children from time to time. Isn’t that part of our job as parents? Have societal norms shifted without my knowledge?
I do believe there’s a delicate balance to maintain when it comes to parenting. I’m not suggesting that my kids will have no privacy, nor will I deny them the opportunity to develop trust. Kids need space to make their own choices, and yes, they need to make mistakes. Those missteps can teach them valuable lessons about the consequences of their actions. My goal isn’t for my daughter to resent me; I want her to love and respect me, just as I will love and respect her enough to guide her through those challenging adolescent years.
Ultimately, I hope to become one of my daughter’s closest friends someday, much like my own mom has become mine. That transition happened after I got married, and while my mom will always wear her mom hat, she’s also one of my best friends. Being able to share anything with her is a reassurance every woman deserves.
But for now, while my daughter is still young and blissfully unaware of the harsh realities of the world, I won’t claim the title of her best friend. I am her mother, and that’s a role I intend to embrace wholeheartedly.
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In summary, while the idea of being a cool mom might be appealing, my focus is on being a responsible parent. I want to protect my daughter while also preparing her for the realities of life, and I hope that one day, she’ll see me not just as her mother but also as a friend.
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