5 Phrases I Will Never Again Say To My Children

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Parenting is a journey filled with challenges, and I openly acknowledge my fair share of mistakes. Among those missteps are the words I promised myself I would never utter to my children. Recently, I’ve been focusing on what I like to call mindful parenting, a process that encourages me to be more conscious of my interactions and communication with my kids. This introspection has revealed that there’s much room for improvement in how I speak to them. Here are five phrases I’m committed to removing from my parenting vocabulary:

1. What’s wrong with you?
   I grew up hearing this phrase and swore I would never use it. The first time it escaped my lips, I felt as if I was watching myself from afar, horrified to see the shame in my child’s eyes. It was a reflection of a look I had seen in the mirror during my own childhood. Repeatedly expressing frustration in this way chips away at their confidence. My role as a parent should be to empower them, ensuring they stand strong against the world’s challenges, rather than undermining their self-worth.
2. Why can’t you be more like your brother?
   While I may not have articulated these exact words, I’ve found myself inadvertently sending that message. In moments of frustration, I sometimes highlight my other child’s good behavior, expecting it will motivate the one in trouble. This practice only fosters competition and comparison, undermining my children’s unique identities. Each child in my family has their own strengths and ways of processing the world; comparison only leads to feelings of inadequacy.
3. You are making me so angry.
   This statement misplaces responsibility for my emotions. My children don’t make me angry; rather, it’s my reaction to their actions that elicits that feeling. Factors like stress, lack of sleep, or even what I’ve eaten that day contribute to my emotional state. It’s essential to recognize that I can manage how I respond to my feelings, rather than projecting them onto my children.
4. Mommy’s sad. Come give me a hug.
   Though it may seem like a simple request for comfort, this phrase places an unfair burden on my children. It implies that they are responsible for my emotional well-being, which can lead to unhealthy dynamics in future relationships. I must own my feelings and not rely on my kids to alleviate my sadness.
5. If you’re going to play with that, do it the right way.
   Play is a vital avenue for children to express creativity and learn about themselves. When I dictate how they should engage with their toys, I stifle their imagination and discourage their unique approaches to play. It’s crucial to encourage their exploration and creativity, rather than imposing rigid expectations.

Admitting these shortcomings is tough, but I believe that sharing them can help hold me accountable. I want to foster an environment where my boys can grow into confident, independent individuals. It all starts at home, with the words I choose to say—or not say. For further insights on parenting, check out this other post on mindful parenting here. And for those considering at-home options, this site offers a reputable selection of insemination kits. Additionally, Kindbody’s blog is a fantastic resource for pregnancy and home insemination tips.

In summary, being mindful of the phrases we use with our children can significantly impact their self-esteem and emotional health. By eliminating phrases that induce shame, comparison, or emotional burden, we can create a nurturing environment that fosters growth and confidence.