Navigating the challenges of raising tweens and teens can feel like an uphill battle. Recently, my 12-year-old son, Jake, stormed off to his room after a disagreement we had about his use of a social media platform that we had explicitly banned. While he didn’t slam the door, his frustration was palpable as he rolled his eyes and left the room.
The crux of the issue was his engagement with a site that requires users to be at least 13 years old—a rule we established in our household based on the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act. When I reminded him of our agreement, he protested, “But I don’t have an account! You never said I couldn’t use it without one!” His reaction made it clear that he was unhappy with my decision, which, at this age, is not uncommon.
Later that night, as my partner and I reflected on the evening, I found myself questioning our parenting choices. Was I too strict? Was I hovering too much? I was spiraling into second-guessing my decisions once again. But then I remembered a piece of advice from a motivational speaker: “Know your mandate.”
This phrase resonated deeply with me as a parent. It gave me clarity and reassured me about the decisions I was making. My mandate as a parent includes:
- Ensuring my child’s safety
- Promoting their health
- Showing love and affection
- Supporting their education
- Teaching respect and responsibility, which includes adhering to the law and our family rules.
While every parent interprets their mandate differently, these guiding principles are paramount for me. I realize that I won’t always be able to keep Jake safe; rather, I should be equipping him to make safe choices for himself.
Meeting these mandates requires significant time and effort—something that is often in short supply. Equally important is understanding what does not fall within my mandate. Here’s what I believe my responsibilities do not include:
- Being my child’s buddy
- Granting every one of their wishes
- Making choices based on what other parents do
- Serving solely as their source of entertainment
- Being responsible for their happiness
The last point is particularly challenging, especially when my son is upset. Many parents, like myself, don’t find joy in making their children unhappy, even if they believe it’s for their own good. Ultimately, Jake must learn that his happiness comes from his own choices.
Tweens and teens are capable of taking responsibility for themselves, even if they occasionally choose not to. Helping them understand the connection between their choices and their happiness is a vital lesson. Sometimes, as parents, we must let them face the consequences of their decisions, even when it’s hard for us to watch.
Knowing my mandate empowers me to stick to my rules, even when they seem unpopular—especially in comparison to other families. I recognize that my approach to social media usage may differ from what other parents allow, but I find confidence in knowing that my rules align with my parenting goals.
The wisdom of understanding your parenting mandate extends beyond the football field. It applies to all aspects of parenting tweens and teens. Keeping your focus on your core objectives can ease the often tumultuous journey of parenthood.
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In summary, knowing your parenting mandate not only clarifies your responsibilities but also helps you navigate the often tricky waters of raising tweens and teens. Staying informed and focused on your goals can make a significant difference in your parenting journey.
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