Being a parent is more than just tending to scrapes and leaks; it’s a grand experiment filled with trial and error that could rival any scientific endeavor. When you find a method that works, you stick with it—until it doesn’t, which usually happens approximately ten minutes after your moment of triumph. You might find yourself joyfully navigating through a sea of unfolded laundry, performing a little dance while shouting, “It works!” But then you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, and you realize you resemble a mad scientist, ready to unleash some wild invention on the world. Yet, in that chaotic moment, a part of you still whispers, “It actually worked.”
Then comes baby number two, and you think you’re prepared. You’ve graduated to the level of Parenting Jedi Master, and it feels fantastic. That is, until you discover that this child has a completely different playbook, rendering all your previous strategies useless. It’s like trying to reinvent the wheel, and that’s precisely where I find myself today.
With my first son, potty training was a unique blend of success and chaos. Once he mastered the art of using the toilet, I handed him the responsibility of wiping. This usually led to subpar results, leaving me with some rather unsavory laundry tasks. It’s not easy to tell your child, “Hey, you’re not great at this wiping thing; let me step in.” So, I scrubbed away the evidence of his struggles and tried to offer him gentle reminders on the proper technique every few weeks.
Naturally, that didn’t yield the desired results, and I’m not naive. When something isn’t effective, it’s time to pivot.
When my second child began his potty training journey, I decided to take a different approach. I figured I’d wipe for him until he got the hang of it. After all, I’d been doing it since day one—what difference could a few more months make? That was two years ago, and I’m still playing the role of “Mommy the Butt Wiper.” Enough is enough, but he isn’t ready to give it up.
You might wonder, “Who’s wiping him while he’s at school?” The answer is simple: he doesn’t poop at school. In fact, he hasn’t had a bowel movement outside of our home in almost three years. I once left for a brief trip, and he held it in until I returned. No joke.
Recently, we finally broached the topic of him wiping his own behind. I initiated the conversation:
Me: “Hey buddy, how about you start trying to wipe your butt yourself?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “It’s super easy. I’ll even show you how!”
Him: “No.”
Clearly, my gentle nudge wasn’t getting us anywhere. Time for a new game plan.
Me: “Don’t you want to wipe like a big boy?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “But think about the privacy and freedom to go whenever you want! Doesn’t that sound nice?”
Him: “No.”
It became increasingly clear that this passive approach wasn’t cutting it. I finally snapped a little.
Me: “Look, I’m done with wiping your butt.”
Him: “No.”
Me: “Seriously, you’re in pre-K now. It’s time to learn this skill.”
Him: “No.”
Me: “Alright, I didn’t want to go here, but I will. From now on, you’re responsible for wiping yourself. Got it?”
Him: “No.”
And now? He hasn’t pooped in three days. Ironically, this is working out quite well for me.
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In summary, parenting is truly an unpredictable journey, and no matter how prepared you think you are, every child brings their own set of challenges. Just when you think you’ve mastered the art of butt wiping, it turns out you’re just getting started.
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