artificial insemination syringe
This scenario has played out so many times that I have a sort of script ready for it, and it happened again just yesterday—on Valentine’s Day.
I’m chatting with a guy who appears nice: intelligent, attractive, and seemingly interested in me. He compliments me, saying I’m funny, smart, and beautiful. Then he adds, “There’s just one thing… I think you’d be stunning if you just lost a few pounds.” He adds that he hopes I’m not offended. I assure him I’m not, but I explain that if he’s attracted to thinness, he should seek someone else. I recount how I used to be very thin, starving myself and relying on pills instead of real food. Now, I love my body and feel much healthier.
This is often the part they’re unprepared for. I think they genuinely believe they’re doing me a favor or revealing something I’ve never heard before. Do they think they’re the first to suggest I lose weight? I grew up with a white mother who was a model. I know all about unrealistic body standards. It’s not about my health; it’s about wanting a woman who serves as a status symbol, someone to show off.
There’s also this odd notion they have that I must have never experienced being thin. Because if I had, I would have fought to maintain it. They seem genuinely surprised when I explain that, yes, I once attracted wealthy white men, and the experience was… rather uninspiring. I wasn’t any happier then. I’m happier now, living life on my terms, without the burden of worrying about others’ opinions of my body.
As a Latina, there seems to be an expectation that I’m on a hero’s journey, that a white man will come along to “fix” me. The fact that I once fit their ideal and chose a different path completely contradicts their view of my existence revolving around them.
I don’t usually express all this, as it feels pointless. Instead, I simply reply that we can be friends.
He suddenly tries to backtrack, talking about how wonderful I smell and how unique I am, claiming he’s never met anyone like me. I tell him that’s lovely, but I’m not interested in a romantic relationship. I need someone who appreciates me just as I am, not as a potential version of myself.
Someday, my weight may change, but I refuse to entertain the opinions of those who think I should conform to their standards. I want men of all backgrounds who accept me for the whole package.
Why do I emphasize white men? Because this dynamic primarily arises with them. Not all white men, of course, but when it happens, it’s often the same pattern.
It feels like they’re offering me a charity that I’m expected to accept. As a Latina, I’m pressured to say yes to dating a white man, leading them to impose conditions on me—like being funny and thin—while white women merely exist without such scrutiny.
When I reject their “offer,” they realize they’ve gone too far. I refuse to prioritize their expectations over my health and self-love. Their attempts to reclaim my attention come too late; I’ve already noticed the red flag. They can’t disguise their need for me to fit their ideal since I’m healthier and more fit now than ever before.
I rarely indulge in alcohol or coffee, nor do I smoke. I work out daily. If they threaten to leave for thinner women, I’m perfectly fine with that. I will not compromise my worth to meet someone else’s expectations.
Who I am, I do for myself—and that often shocks them.
If you’re interested in more stories like this, check out this blog post.