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I’m a proud “boy mom.” Growing up in a family filled with girls, I always envisioned having daughters. Now, my sister and I are raising four boys between us, and I wouldn’t change a thing. People often wonder if we’ll try for a girl, but honestly, we wouldn’t even know how to handle that. Our homes are loud, lively, and overflowing with love.
While there are moments I appreciate the simplicity of being a boy mom, I am often reminded of the challenges involved in raising kind, respectful, and responsible young men. Recently, a friend of mine, also a boy mom, shared a post on Facebook asking for recommendations for a boy babysitter. The idea of having a positive male role model for young boys sounded fantastic to me—someone who could relate to them, talk about Pokémon, play baseball, and share a good laugh over silly jokes. The comments were overwhelmingly supportive, with many sharing their own experiences with excellent male babysitters. Even my mom, a high school teacher with years of experience, offered to help find qualified candidates.
However, my optimism was quickly dampened by a private message my friend received in response to her post. The message read:
“Hey… We were told by a very respectful family to not have boy sitters. For some reason, boy sitters can have a tendency to be more inappropriate with things that come out of their mouths, things they do with their bodies. They are also more likely to ‘molest’ boys in a way that little ones don’t think is wrong and don’t think to tell. Girls, by nature, have a more mothering spirit and can discern situations that the Lord just didn’t give to men. Think about how different it is for your boys to stay with your husband vs. you… You can probably keep a house clean, read books, make a craft, type recipes, post on IG for work and keep everything functioning. Not saying men can’t… it’s just natural for women. When I walk in after the boys are with Andy, I think in my head, ‘at least everyone is alive.’”
Reading this message left me stunned and frustrated. How could anyone, especially a woman and mother, harbor such outdated and harmful beliefs? I wanted to confront her publicly but chose not to turn my friend’s uplifting post into a contentious debate.
The most disturbing aspect of this woman’s message was her assertion that boys are inherently incapable of self-control and that men are less nurturing by nature. My husband and brother-in-law, both actively involved in parenting and household responsibilities, would vehemently disagree. Moreover, her criteria for ensuring her children are with individuals who “reflect Jesus” would imply that even Jesus wouldn’t be deemed trustworthy to babysit her kids.
I reflected on the message and what it suggests about the expectations we set for boys. Should we simply accept that they will grow into untrustworthy adults? Should we teach them that they don’t need to contribute equally to their future families because that’s how they were created? The notion that “boys will be boys” is not just dangerous; it strips them of the potential to become well-rounded individuals who can express their emotions and embrace their nurturing sides.
Progress has been made in achieving gender equality in the workforce, but we must also strive for equality within the home. How often do we see moms receiving the first calls from schools or being praised for simply doing their part in parental duties? Keeping kids safe shouldn’t be the only standard for successful fatherhood.
While it may be easier to view raising boys as straightforward, this stereotype does a disservice to them. Boys deserve to be complex individuals, held to high standards, taught to be role models and caregivers. I take pride in the fact that my sons see their mother and aunt as successful professionals and have positive male role models in their lives. I want them to learn respect for women and the importance of consent, understanding that masculinity does not equate to manhood.
As a boy mom, I recognize the immense responsibility of nurturing the next generation of compassionate men. I hope my sons have the opportunity to learn from older boys who exemplify these qualities. Every part of this woman’s message saddens me for our boys, but what truly disheartens me is that she, too, is a boy mom.
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Summary
In a personal reflection, a mother expresses her dismay over a friend’s encounter with outdated stereotypes regarding male babysitters. While she embraces her role as a boy mom, she emphasizes the importance of raising boys to be respectful, nurturing, and complex individuals. The article critiques harmful perceptions that boys are inherently less capable of caring for children and advocates for higher expectations of masculinity.