artificial insemination syringe
My partner and I tied the knot quite young, at just 21. We were certain we weren’t ready to start a family right away. With my PCOS, things were already complicated, but we welcomed our first child just before my 28th birthday. We always envisioned having two more kids, but I wasn’t keen on having them one after the other. When I turned 28, I felt the pressure of needing to have both children before hitting 35, as if that age was some sort of cutoff.
Who hasn’t heard the alarming tales about how fertility supposedly declines after 35? We all know that one relative who insists we won’t have the energy to keep up with children unless we start in our twenties or early thirties. As I was building my family, the thought of 35 loomed over me like a deadline, adding unnecessary stress to the journey.
I welcomed my second child at 31, but then life threw some curveballs my way. My PCOS flared, I experienced a heartbreaking miscarriage, and faced an ovarian cancer scare that thankfully turned out to be nothing serious. I lost one of my fallopian tubes, and by the time I was 34, we were no closer to having our last child. It felt as if 35 was the end of the line.
But then, by a twist of fate, I became pregnant that spring, and our final child arrived just a month and a half after I turned 35. When I shared my age with medical staff, I often received comments like, “Oh, right on schedule!” After learning I was expecting, one of my relatives asked, “This is the last one, right? You’re almost 35!”
The existence of my youngest has taught me a vital lesson: Forget the 35-year deadline. And forget anyone who suggests that having a healthy, joyful pregnancy in your late thirties is impossible. I wish I hadn’t spent any time worrying about being an older mom when my youngest started kindergarten. It’s absurd to have doubted my ability to keep up with a baby just because I waited until my mid-thirties. In fact, I believe I’m a better mother to my third child due to my life experiences, improved financial stability with my partner, and the lack of pressure to prove anything to anyone.
If I wanted to (and if I hadn’t had my last C-section), I could continue to have children for years and still have the energy and capability to raise them well. My mid-thirties baby lacks nothing compared to her older brother, except perhaps the anxiety that often accompanies new motherhood. If we had desired a fourth child, I would be in great shape to make that happen, even at nearly 37.
As anyone who has reached this milestone will agree, 35 isn’t as old as it seems when you’re in your twenties. It’s still quite young. Many of us are still figuring out our paths in life at 35, often working tirelessly to establish the careers we dreamed of when younger. Others may not have the right partner to start a family with in their twenties or may prefer to create a stable life before welcoming a child.
There are countless reasons to have children after 35, and none of them should be anyone else’s concern. It’s wonderful if you chose to have kids early. My close friend had her first child at 20 and was pregnant again shortly after my wedding. Now she has a graduating senior and a freshman, while I have a third grader, a kindergartener, and a toddler. We followed completely different timelines, and neither of us judges the other’s choices.
The key is that she doesn’t look at my youngest and say something dismissive like, “How do you manage? I could never handle a baby at this stage in my life! I’m glad I had mine early!” She knows she’s not too old or exhausted to have a child now; it’s just not the life she chose.
There’s no moral superiority in completing your family before 35. Celebrities like Anna Kendrick, Robert Pattinson, Chrissy Teigen, Ruby Rose, and Lady Gaga are all 35, and I doubt anyone is suggesting they need to retire.
I will admit that my pregnancy at 35 presented some challenges, but I also had two other children to care for. It’s hard to say if my age was a contributing factor to any difficulties, especially after several years of sleep deprivation. Yes, biology plays a role, and we know that fertility tends to decline in our mid-thirties, but it’s not like turning 35 transforms your body in a drastic way.
Many people experience healthy pregnancies well into their forties. While it’s crucial to understand how age may affect fertility and to consult with your doctor about your family planning goals, there’s no need to view 35 as an arbitrary deadline.
Thirty-five is not “too old” to become a fantastic parent. Each individual can discuss their health and fertility specifics with their doctor and evaluate any risks based on personal history. What may apply to one person does not necessarily apply to everyone. Modern science offers many avenues to support fertility.
So, let’s put this outdated notion of a time limit to rest.
For more insights on starting a family, check out our post on home insemination kits. If you’re curious about boosting your fertility, Make A Mom’s fertility supplements can be a great resource. And for a thorough understanding of intrauterine insemination, visit Cleveland Clinic’s guide.
Summary
The notion that 35 is “too old” to have children is outdated and harmful. Many individuals successfully start or expand their families after this age, and personal circumstances vary widely. It’s essential to consult with healthcare professionals regarding fertility and family planning, as each person’s journey is unique.