My Son is Growing Up with Two Moms: Why Pride Matters to Me

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Every June, the LGBTQ+ community shines as we embrace Pride Month. This celebration honors the Stonewall uprising, a pivotal moment in June 1969 at the Stonewall Inn in New York City. Since the inaugural parade in 1970, LGBTQ+ individuals and their allies have taken to the streets globally to reflect on our progress and acknowledge the journey ahead. While this year features more in-person events than last, many celebrations remain virtual, highlighting that Pride is as much a mindset as it is a parade—though I still long for the opportunity to celebrate more openly.

Pride has always been a bit of a paradox for me. I yearn to fully immerse myself in the festivities, but I also recognize how commercialization has overshadowed its original purpose. While I enjoy picking up rainbow-themed items from stores like Target, part of me wishes we could return to the movement’s roots. Nonetheless, I appreciate the accessibility these products provide. For a closeted child, seeing a dedicated Pride section in a store could be life-changing. It might feel like support from a favorite brand, even if rooted in capitalist motives. This visibility plays a crucial role in the Pride experience.

Visibility has always been essential to Pride. The Stonewall uprising was a fight for recognition and acceptance. The celebrations that followed were a declaration that our humanity and dignity would never again be compromised. Witnessing countless LGBTQ+ individuals marching together, proclaiming, “I exist, I matter,” is a powerful sight. I can recall years of watching Pride parade coverage, feeling a mix of elation and envy. For much of my life, I was only “out” to a select few, which made me feel incredibly isolated. Yet, seeing my more open friends reveling in their truth also inspired me.

Despite realizing my queerness around the age of 12, I spent years concealing it. Growing up in the late 90s and early 2000s, I had never even heard the term bisexual. I knew of lesbians but thought you couldn’t enjoy makeup and fashion while being attracted to women. At 17, after my first romantic encounter with a girl, I confided in friends who weren’t as supportive as I had hoped. As a result, I kept my identity hidden for the next decade. Watching openly queer friends post Pride photos always tugged at my heart. I craved to participate authentically, but fear held me back.

At 31, I finally embraced my bisexuality after ending a long-term relationship with a man (the father of my son). I wasn’t ready to date, but I could no longer hide who I was, knowing I would seek relationships with women. Even once out, I still missed my first Pride parade, needing to attend alone and facing challenges in finding childcare. I had resolved to attend Pride 2020, but then the pandemic hit.

This year, I eagerly anticipated in-person Pride celebrations for my son’s sake. I recently fell in love and got engaged to a wonderful woman, and I want him to see families like ours represented. Our local queer friends don’t have children, so he’s only seen two-mom families on social media. Attending a family-friendly Pride event would provide him with the opportunity to meet others like us.

At seven, my son sees having two moms as completely normal. However, as he grows, he may encounter peers who tell him otherwise, potentially leading to feelings of shame. The early elementary years are challenging for queer parents; children are often influenced by their peers’ opinions, which can contradict what they learn at home.

Experiencing a Pride parade together would reinforce the values I’ve instilled in him since childhood. He thrives on tangible experiences that validate what he learns from books or media. Witnessing diverse gender expressions and sexual orientations in person would deepen his understanding and connection to the LGBTQ+ community. While he knows the significance of Pride, I want him to engage with it fully.

As a queer parent and Black woman, I focus on educating my son about the struggles our communities face. We recently read a children’s book about the Stonewall Inn and discussed the importance of supporting the LGBTQ+ community. He understands the sacrifices made by queer elders, especially Black and brown individuals, who fought for our rights. Yet, I also want him to experience the joy and celebration of being unapologetically queer. Our family should stand proudly among our community, declaring our existence and resilience.

Pride encompasses much more than parades and rainbows. The LGBTQ+ community continues to fight for recognition and equality. I want to honor those who paved the way for my life while also celebrating my identity and love openly. I refuse to hide for the comfort of others, even if it means waiting another year for a parade.

For more insights on home insemination and LGBTQ+ parenting, check out this post on home insemination. If you’re considering starting a family, Make a Mom offers great resources to help guide you through the process. Additionally, March of Dimes provides valuable information about pregnancy and parenting.

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Summary:

This article explores the significance of Pride Month from the perspective of a queer parent raising a son with her partner. It discusses the evolution of Pride celebrations, the importance of visibility, and the challenges of navigating societal norms with a queer family. The author emphasizes the need for representation and community support while honoring the struggles and victories of the LGBTQ+ movement.

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