Like many new parents, I found myself utterly unprepared for the demands of parenthood. It felt as though my husband and I were untrained circus performers, juggling our two kids while managing our careers. We tossed our little ones back and forth, hoping nothing would come crashing down.
Looking back, I can say that we survived those early years—barely. I still marvel at how we navigated a world where our children seemed determined to seek adventure in the most dangerous places. With each close call, I honed my skills as a parental superhero, swooping in to save the day repeatedly.
Fast forward to today, and we are fortunate to have two relatively independent teenage daughters. Sure, they occasionally misplace their house keys, requiring a last-minute rescue, but they’ve grown to manage their own needs—sleeping late on weekends, packing their own bags, and whipping up simple meals. With each passing day, they need us a little less. While my husband and I could easily swoop in to solve their minor issues, we know the dangers of helicopter parenting. This newfound independence has left a superhero-sized void in my life, one that I’ve filled by embracing a new identity.
Here’s the Twist
It has nothing to do with my children.
After our daughters grew older, my husband and I joined forces with other neighborhood parents to form a rock band. Yes, you read that right! At age 40, we dove into music—not children’s tunes, but the kind we loved from our youth. Initially, we were barely more than a hot mess, playing rusty covers of punk songs from our college days, pretending we sounded decent. I took the lead vocals, often hitting sharp notes, while my husband strummed basic bass lines. Our outfits were all wrong for performances, and we resembled middle-aged middle schoolers trying a bit too hard to be cool.
But once we let go of the pressure to be perfect, this kid-free pursuit became liberating. A few years into it, we played a birthday party at a middle school gym—setting up our instruments, nailing the soundcheck, and ultimately putting on a legit show. During our rendition of “Seven Nation Army,” as the gym vibrated with energy, I realized: we weren’t just pretending anymore; we had truly become a rock band.
We cycled through a few band names and eventually recorded an album titled Forget About Gravity, even making our way onto Spotify. I upgraded my wardrobe with black skinny jeans and a shiny sequined tank top, and the more I immersed myself in this new persona, the more it satisfied that part of me that exists beyond being a teacher and a mom.
Of course, I didn’t abandon my responsibilities. I’m still the reliable middle school teacher, the writer, and the mom who never misses a deadline. But as I carved out rehearsal time, my superhero identity continued to flourish. When I step into the music studio, which has seen better days, I make it a point to not clean up after anyone. At rehearsals or when performing at a club, I’m not anyone’s mother.
And my husband? We’ve evolved beyond mere roommates sharing parenting duties. We’re more like Carly Simon and James Taylor, rekindling that spark as we rock out together.
In the early days of our musical journey, our kids showed little interest in our endeavors. They’d occasionally indulge me by listening to half a song before drifting off, preferring their own activities. “It’s kinda loud, Mom,” they’d say gently. “But you really seem to be having fun.” And they were right—I was having a blast. We all enjoyed our time together, though not every moment needed to be shared. As our daughters pursued their own interests, we picked up our guitars and microphones.
Crafting Your Own Superhero Identity
I believe every adult should craft their own superhero identity. If playing rock music excites you, start that band—perhaps you’ll even open for us someday. You might be terrible at first, but remember, every superhero has a learning curve. If music isn’t your thing, then what ignites your passion? Perhaps you love exploring new neighborhoods or are a master knitter, poet, or pastry chef. Maybe you dream of being a triathlete or a wilderness hiker. Superhero parents inspire us all, so if your passion involves your kids, let that cape fly high.
Compete with fellow amateurs if that ignites your fire, or seek out a supportive community. Whatever your passion is, the Internet is brimming with people just like you. If soccer was your love back in high school, chances are there are other adults nearby eager to play.
Only you know what truly makes you tick, and only you can give yourself the green light to carve out time for it. Consider donning a superhero outfit, even if it’s just for yourself. Life is about more than just daily responsibilities; there’s always something more you’ve wanted to pursue. So, embrace that superhero you’ve always envisioned.
And please, don’t refer to this journey of self-discovery as just a “hobby.” It’s about truly living.
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In summary, take the leap to define your own superhero identity. Whether it’s through music, art, or any other passion, give yourself the freedom to explore what makes you come alive.
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