artificial insemination syringe
Trigger Warning: Abuse
I always sensed that my relationship was detrimental, yet my longing for marriage and a family overshadowed my instincts. The toxicity was so apparent that just a week before my wedding, my father offered me money over lunch to reconsider — not out of malice, but from genuine concern for my well-being.
My ex-husband’s aggression escalated with the influence of alcohol, leading to increasingly cruel and abusive behavior. While the physical abuse was limited, the verbal and emotional torment was almost a nightly experience. Terms like “slut” and phrases such as “you are nothing without me” or “no one likes you or would believe you” became his staples when he aimed to wound me. One night, my dad had to get me a hotel room after my ex attempted to grab the steering wheel while I was driving, trying to steer us off the road. I believe he wanted me to be harmed, but he also didn’t want to appear as the villain. Despite this, I stayed, convinced that having a child would transform him into a better person.
Our daughter, born in 2016, unfortunately intensified the situation. It wasn’t her fault at all, but a narcissist can weaponize the most cherished aspects of your life. He exploited our daughter for manipulation and gaslighting.
The shouting matches and insults escalated to a point where my toddler would cling to me at night, as if her small body could shield me from the emotional turmoil. He once kicked me out of our home at 2:00 a.m., packing a suitcase for me while intoxicated. I drove 45 minutes to my parents’ house, knocking on their door at 3:00 a.m., greeted by my mother’s knowing look that conveyed, “I’m aware of what happened.”
There was never a hint of an apology or even a semblance of remorse from him. At that moment, I realized I was no longer married to a human being, but rather a monster. Insults and violence do not equate to love. A loving partner does not push you against walls or scream at you in public and then turn around and act like a devoted spouse in front of others.
So, my daughter and I left with only one suitcase filled with her belongings. While he may have not comprehended love, I did — and it was reflected in my daughter’s eyes. We departed to ensure she would never have to face the possibility of losing me because of her father. We left so she could grow up in an environment filled with love, devoid of chaos and conflict. We left so she would know, as she matured, what true love felt like, and so she’d never doubt her worth due to her mother’s experiences.
Now, nearly five years later, we are thriving and secure. My almost five-year-old shares a loving home with me, her stepdad, and her brothers. Despite never receiving an apology or acknowledgment of his actions, I find peace knowing he will eventually have to confront those choices — but that reckoning won’t come from me. We are liberated from the pain that once held us captive.
If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out this blog post. Additionally, for insights into fertility journeys, Make A Mom provides excellent guidance. For more information on the success of IUI, you can refer to WebMD, which is a great resource for anyone navigating this path.
Search Queries:
- Home insemination tips
- Self insemination procedures
- Fertility journey support
- Intrauterine insemination success
- Understanding artificial insemination
Summary:
This article recounts the harrowing experience of a woman who endured an abusive relationship before finally deciding to leave for the sake of her daughter. It illustrates the profound impact of emotional trauma and the importance of recognizing true love, which is defined by safety and respect. Through her journey, they find freedom and happiness, emphasizing that sometimes love means making the difficult choice to walk away.