artificial insemination syringe
Alright, fellow parents who adore camping—please enlighten me. I can appreciate nature, breathe in the fresh air, and enjoy the scent of a campfire like anyone else, but after a long day of hiking, grilling hot dogs and s’mores, and sipping drinks by the fire, I really need a proper bed, a roof over my head, and indoor plumbing. Seriously, nothing is worse than waking up at 2 a.m. with a full bladder, only to remember that I’m in the middle of nowhere, potentially facing a hungry bear or walking into a spider web just to find a place to pee. No thanks.
And then you throw kids into the mix! They inevitably need to pee at 2 a.m., drop their marshmallow in the fire, get stung by a bee, or trudge in mud and track it into the tent. Not to mention they’ll whine about it being too hot, too cold, too loud, too quiet, or that they just want to be home with their iPads. (And I’m right there with you, kid. Why are we even here?)
Camping is just not my thing.
But we all know those families who live for camping adventures. Maybe you’re one of them? Perhaps you revel in the joys of sleeping in a tent, waking up at dawn with back pain, and swatting mosquitoes all night long. If that’s your jam, more power to you! I’ll stick to my air conditioning, dry toilet paper, and binge-watching Netflix instead. Just send me photos, alright? hugs
Right now, I should be packing for our impending camping trip, but instead, I’m lounging here watching Futurama, sipping a Rolling Rock, and munching on popcorn. I’m totally fine with it. Camping is not my cup of tea; I can just as easily cook, clean, and wrangle kids at home, to be honest.
Confessionals
Confessional #25834518: I don’t care what anyone says, camping is NOT a vacation! Not for this mom, anyway.
Confessional #16655645: My partner thinks we should make camping our thing. I’m not dragging this chaos on the road and complicating every aspect of my day while being crammed into a tiny space. No way. Where does this madness come from?
Confessional #25826007: My boyfriend and my three-year-old are returning from a five-day camping trip, and I wish I could redo it by spending those five days in bed. I totally squandered that time. Ugh.
Confessional #1747287: The truth is, camping is a ton of work. Exhausted parents of young kids need a real break, but they return home dirtier, more fatigued, and covered in bug bites. That’s the exact opposite of a vacation.
We just got back from a weekend camping trip. My partner lounged while I unloaded the car and put everything away, nagged me to let the kids help, and did nothing to assist with packing or unpacking. So lazy.
Confessional #20550997: My partner thinks it’s my fault that I didn’t enjoy another camping trip. Sure, cooking over an open fire, boiling water for dishes, having no shower, and sleeping on the ground while he went fishing every day was a blast. Thanks!
Confessional #25666800: Why is it that every year during our camping trip my partner isn’t prepared? You had all year to get ready! Don’t get mad that I have a timeline.
Confessional #25636083: Leaving for our week-long camping trip tomorrow. I’ve shopped, packed, sorted, and still need to clean. Meanwhile, my partner is busy researching compound interest rates. Thanks for the help, champ.
If you have a partner who adds to the workload but doesn’t contribute, camping just shifts from bad to “I might just explode” worse.
Confessional #15091603: I can’t even go to the bathroom without my phone. Camping means I’m scared to bring it into the porta-potty. Guess I just can’t go… win?
Confessional #7447368: While camping with scouts, I had to pee in a Ziploc bag filled with paper towels because the bathroom was too far away.
Confessional #16290394: I’m honestly amazed by people who enjoy camping with their kids. I want to like it, but not having a bathroom, space to breathe, or a proper bed is just not my thing.
Here’s the deal: you can’t call it a vacation if there’s no running water or a decent toilet. If there is a restroom, but it’s a trek through rugged terrain and you have to bring your own toilet paper, that’s not a vacation requirement! Why do people like camping? It’s hot, there are bugs and snakes, and I’ll never understand it. Everyone around me seems to love it!
Confessional #25784805: For our 20th anniversary, I want to visit Portland, shop, and dine at nice restaurants. My partner wants to camp in the mountains. Absolutely not. I’m a city girl. Camping, mountains, and the wilderness can take a hike.
Confessional #22239292: I just don’t see how something less convenient than your house can be considered a vacation.
Confessional #15455911: No thanks to camping.
To all you camping enthusiasts out there, enjoy! You can have my spot on the ground because this momma doesn’t do tents. Unless it’s a cabana by the pool with a margarita, then I’m in. But with the rain, freezing temperatures, sweltering heat, bugs, lack of fresh coffee, and limited bathroom amenities, I’m firmly passing on the camping experience. My husband and kids can go, call me “not fun,” and I’ll relish my time at home—alone. In peace. With a dry pillow, hot coffee, and zero bears. Being “not fun.”
Poor me.
If you’re interested in more, check out this blog post for additional insights.