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Parenting
By Jamie Anderson
Updated: June 1, 2021
Originally Published: June 1, 2021
The saying “She dances to her own rhythm” perfectly describes my five-year-old daughter. When we’re out, you can often find her joyfully collecting flowers or softly singing a melody. She thrives on solitude, often seen playing by herself at the park or creating “art” in the dirt. Above all, she is a homebody who loves drawing, painting, or coloring — a true “I just want to stay home” kid. As an introvert with some extroverted traits, it’s clear that she takes after me. Interestingly, she is a twin, and her sister is quite the extrovert.
I aim to celebrate her individuality. With over 75% of the population identified as extroverts, and only 25% as introverts, it’s vital that we advocate for understanding — especially for our children.
As my introverted twin prepares to transition from kindergarten to first grade, neither of us feels the need for her to have a multitude of friends. She’s content with a small circle, enjoying the company of a few girls during recess or sharing a table at lunch. Playdates are not something she often requests.
The Center for Parenting Education emphasizes that “Parents and educators can play an important role in helping children embrace their inner selves.” Since introverts usually need extra time to process their experiences and may not readily articulate their thoughts, it’s essential for adults in their lives to delve deeper to uncover their unique gifts. I’ve found that talking less and listening more has been beneficial, especially when my daughter is finally ready to share.
During family dinners, we often play games which not only strengthen our bond but also provide a platform for my daughter to express herself verbally among others. One favorite is “This or That,” where we pose questions like, “Would you prefer an ocean or a river?” and everyone gets to respond. This format encourages further questions and allows us to share more about ourselves.
As parents, we can also reveal our own personality traits and needs. As a writer, I often spend hours on my laptop in deep thought. I openly communicate to my children — and anyone else willing to listen — that I require quiet time to work efficiently, and I prefer peace over chaos. This creates a connection with my introverted daughter, allowing other family members to understand our needs as well.
In today’s fast-paced world, the pandemic has shown us the value of slowing down, which is particularly beneficial for introverts who thrive at their own pace and favor intimate gatherings over large crowds. In an article from Verywell Family, author Carol Bainbridge points out, “The common misconception is that introversion equates to loneliness or shyness, or that introverts are inherently asocial. In reality, introverts often possess heightened sensitivity to social cues and are generally more empathetic and connected than their more socially vibrant peers.”
Both my daughter and I are deeply aware of our feelings and those of others. Like her, I connect with people on a level that goes beyond casual conversations. Introverts often seek meaningful relationships and can be more sensitive, especially when their emotions are impacted. As the parent of a very emotionally sensitive child, it requires patience on my part to navigate her meltdowns. Once she calms down and is ready to engage, she is open to my guidance: “Not everyone will want to play that game as you do,” or “Clare should have other friends too.” These are tough lessons, but they are necessary for our children to navigate social dynamics.
We have much to learn from our introverted children, just as we have lessons to impart to them. We are continually growing in our abilities to manage social situations and share our thoughts with others. By asking our children questions and genuinely listening to their responses, we can better understand what brings them joy. Creating quiet spaces, slowing down together, and sitting in comfortable settings can significantly benefit our introverted kids.
It’s essential for our children to see that we support them, whether they rush to hug us after school or seek solace in a quiet corner after a busy day. They need to know that we love and accept them for who they truly are.
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Summary:
This article discusses the journey of a mother learning to support her introverted daughter, emphasizing the importance of understanding and celebrating individuality. It highlights the need for patience, open communication, and creating comfortable spaces for introverted children to express themselves. The writer shares personal experiences and insights to encourage parents to embrace and nurture their children’s unique traits.