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Last night was a real test of my parenting skills. I found myself completely overwhelmed in a situation that felt foreign and challenging.
My three-year-old, Lily, has been taking swimming lessons for nine weeks now. At the start of last night’s class, there was a mix-up that left her confused about where to go. Her instructor tried to comfort her, but as the class headed toward the showers, I noticed Lily unraveling.
She scanned the crowd of parents, locked eyes with me, and rushed over. Collapsing in my arms, she burst into tears. This behavior was unusual for her, and while I recognized the source of her distress, I mistakenly believed she would push through.
I knew I had to employ some solid negotiation skills, yet inside, I was panicking. Why was she acting this way? I attempted to stay upbeat and pulled out all the tricks I could think of.
- “Let’s take some deep breaths!”
- “Let’s go for a walk and calm down!”
- “Let’s just dip your toes in the pool!”
But she was having none of it. Instead, her mood only worsened as she wailed, “I want to go hoooooome!”
Frustration began to overshadow my compassion. I told myself that a three-year-old can’t dictate the schedule—I am the parent! We were not leaving, and I was determined to turn things around.
I shifted tactics, adopting a more serious tone. “GET in the pool.”
“You do this every week.”
“Right now. Get in!”
By this point, her tears had subsided, but she stood firm. “No. I’m not getting in,” she declared.
Stern Mommy had vanished, replaced by Desperate Mommy. I resorted to empty threats, “If you don’t learn to swim now, we can’t go swimming at Nana’s this summer.”
“Good. I don’t want to swim at Nana’s.”
“If you don’t get in, we’re not coming back next week.”
“Fine. I don’t want to come back.”
“If you don’t get in, we’re going home and you won’t get to read any books.”
“Good. I don’t want to read.”
With every threat, my desperation grew. I crouched down, regretting my choice of long sleeves in the sweltering aquatic center. The sweat trickled down my back as I tried to reason with her.
After 30 exhausting minutes of back-and-forth, I finally gave in. Taking her by the hand—perhaps a bit too tightly—I led her to the parking lot, completely mortified. Not a word was exchanged on the way home.
This was not my daughter. She’s usually brave, well-behaved, and sweet. Yet, in moments of uncertainty, her shyness can trigger a breakdown. Instead of accepting her feelings, I lost my cool and felt embarrassed by her reluctance to participate. I was furious with myself for letting her “win.”
The truth is, neither of us came out victorious. Later, as she prepared for bed, still a bit sulky, I told her I loved her. I left her room saying, “Let’s forget about swimming lessons for tonight and start fresh tomorrow.”
Start fresh tomorrow. Those were words of wisdom I needed to hear myself.
In my journey as a parent, I’ve come to realize how moments like these can make me feel inadequate. They often strike when I’m riding high on the belief that “my child would never…” Perhaps these experiences serve to humble me. Whatever the cause, I’ve learned that parenting has its ups and downs, just like everything else. I have days when I feel like a great mom and days that are more challenging. This was definitely one of the latter. I felt lost and uncertain in that moment. So, I gave myself the night to reflect and resolved to take my own advice: I would start over tomorrow, too.
If you’re interested in exploring more about parenting challenges, check out this blog post on managing emotions. For those considering home insemination, Make A Mom is an excellent resource. Additionally, the NICHD offers valuable information regarding pregnancy and home insemination.