I Want to Protect My Daughters from the Grips of Diet Culture That Once Dominated My Life

Growing up in the ’90s, I was surrounded by toxic diet culture. I remember attending Weight Watchers meetings with my parents, where I learned to calculate points, and I even had my first Slimfast shake during my tweens. My teenage years, which kicked off in 2003, were marked by the low-rise fashion trend, creating an unachievable standard of a long, lean figure that I could never attain.

Throughout my tweens, teens, and early twenties, I found myself desperately searching for quick-fix solutions to achieve slimmer thighs. I thought that seeing my collar bones just slightly protrude made me look delicate and beautiful. However, this obsession marked the start of a decade-long struggle with an eating disorder.

The Turning Point

The turning point began when I entered high school, a time of newfound freedom. I quickly realized that no one noticed when I skipped lunch a few times a week or opted for diet soda instead. As a member of the pom-pom squad, I was one of the few girls who had developed a full figure, and I despised it.

Shopping in the juniors department was a painful reminder of my body’s differences compared to my peers. I was embarrassed by my inability to wear short shorts like the other girls, who proudly displayed their playboy bunny tan lines. Laying on my back, I could feel my hip bones and ribs, but standing up, they seemed to vanish. I convinced myself that nothing would taste as good as being thin felt—a notion I adopted long before it became popular.

The Cycle of Struggle

The next four years were a continuous cycle of yo-yo dieting, calorie restriction, and binge eating. Ironically, I can’t recall my weight during that time because I was so fixated on how my body felt rather than on the scale. The driving force behind my eating disorder stemmed from a toxic inner dialogue, illustrating how intertwined mental health and eating disorders truly are.

From the outside, I appeared to be an average 5’5″ woman—neither excessively thin nor morbidly obese. Yet, it was the hidden struggles that defined my experience. I never dipped below 100 pounds, but I meticulously calculated every calorie and imposed strict rules on my diet. I didn’t purge after binge episodes, but I exercised excessively as a form of punishment for eating. The thought of being seen eating by anyone outside my family was terrifying; I assumed people would view me as a failure for not being able to control my appetite.

This unhealthy behavior persisted for around eight years, severely damaging my metabolism and insulin sensitivity, which still affects my ability to lose weight today. I tried various diets, from Weight Watchers to Atkins and even questionable appetite suppressants. Because I didn’t fit the typical mold of an eating disorder patient, seeking help proved to be a challenge.

A New Beginning

My turning point came in the form of my two beautiful daughters, born in 2012 and 2014. Their arrival marked the beginning of my nine-year journey toward recovery, fueled by a desire to shield them from the pain of eating disorders.

Toxic diet culture is still prevalent, but by recognizing and challenging the harmful narratives it espouses, we can work toward a healthier mindset. While there have been improvements in how we view body image and food since the early 2000s, the mission isn’t complete until these positive attitudes become the norm.

Creating a Healthy Environment

In our home, we prioritize healthy relationships with food and body image. We eat to have energy for play, view our food choices without moral judgment, and engage in exercise as a means of feeling strong—not as punishment. My daughters, now 6 and 8, are at an age where I remain vigilant about their body image experiences, hoping they will navigate this world without the burdens I faced. Ultimately, my goal is to have open conversations with them and demonstrate what true body acceptance looks like.

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Summary: The author shares her personal struggle with diet culture and eating disorders, emphasizing the importance of fostering a positive body image and healthy relationships with food for her daughters. By creating an environment free from toxic narratives, she aims to protect them from the painful experiences she endured.