From The Confessional: Mean Girls Are the Worst

From The Confessional: Mean Girls Are the Worstartificial insemination syringe

May 27, 2021

Photo by Eric O’Connell/Getty

We’ve all encountered them during our childhood. Whether you were the target or one of the offenders, it’s rare for any girl to navigate her formative years without some impact from mean girls. Just when you think you’ve escaped that nonsense, you discover that many of these mean girls grow into mean moms, perpetuating the cycle and raising a new generation of Regina Georges. And thus, the cycle continues.

As mothers, it’s our responsibility to break this pattern. We need to foster kindness in our daughters, encouraging them to include others, support one another, and refrain from humiliating behaviors that diminish others. This requires dedicated and ongoing parenting. Often, parents remain unaware they’re nurturing a mean girl until they hear about unkind actions from their children.

Since we all recognized who the mean girls were back in our school days—and many of us still encounter “mean girl” attitudes among adult women who haven’t outgrown their juvenile ways—our confessional is filled with poignant stories. These accounts reflect the lingering pain from experiences decades ago and illustrate the struggle of mothers witnessing their children face similar cruelty.

Confessions of Mean Girl Encounters

Is there a polite way to tell someone, “Actually, your mom is a mean girl with bad skin,” when her kids praise her as a saint? After 15 years, I’m exhausted by the drama. Confessional #25833689

I can spot a mean girl from a distance. The girls in my daughter’s third-grade class mirror their mean mommies—decked out in athleisure wear from LuLuLemon and messy topknots. I tell my daughter to respond with kindness, but I can’t believe that this pettiness starts so young. Confessional #25750472

My so-called friend hasn’t matured beyond high school. She still behaves like a mean girl, only now she’s just a frumpy mom. Confessional #25815314

The mean girls at church are the worst—middle-aged ones, no less. I wouldn’t care so much if their children didn’t have the potential to hurt my little girl. My husband and I have vowed that if it comes to that, we won’t hold back. Confessional #24726977

Recognizing mean girl moms is like a slap in the face, bringing back the awful feelings of 7th grade. They are raising the next generation of bullies. Confessional #25754595

I hope the mean girl moms realize how small they make me feel when they ignore my presence, standing right next to them. I wish they would experience that feeling themselves and feel ashamed. Confessional #25753533

Is it worse when they deliberately exclude me, or if they genuinely don’t notice my existence? Mean Girls: The 30s Edition. Confessional #24934233

Sometimes, we adults still feel the sting of “mean girl” behavior—being left out, ignored, or discovering they’re gossiping about us. The pain is just as real now as it was back then. Confessional #25818602

I’ve cut toxic friends out of my life. I can’t stand feeling drained after spending time with them. Even in our 50s and 60s, some women still act like high school girls. Plastic mean girls never seem to grow up! Confessional #25761423

I once had a friend who sent out a mass email about another friend in our mommy group, complete with a photo of her unibrow. Nasty mean girls don’t vanish after high school; I’ve cut ties with her, and I’m better off without that kind of “friend.” Confessional #23864674

Ultimately, the best approach is to eliminate them from our lives. Though it can be challenging, cutting mean girls from your inner circle—even if it means shrinking it significantly—is for the best. Confessional #25817822

The worst part is when you’re related to mean girls, whether by blood or marriage. You might still have to see them during holidays or deal with the long-lasting effects of their behavior. Hopefully, you can channel that pain into a motivation to raise kind children. Confessional #25791392

My first experience with a mean girl was growing up with my narcissistic mother. School was the least of my concerns; I envied the kids who looked forward to going home at 3 p.m. Confessional #25788028

Beneath her sweet and humble facade, my sister-in-law is a self-satisfied, entitled, covert narcissist—a closet mean girl bully. She’s been catty enough to make me believe it. Somehow, I am the “bitch” in this scenario, much like my sister. Confessional #25592145

The ultimate heartbreak is when mean girls hurt your kids. You know they need to face some challenges independently, just like you did, but all you want is to shield your little ones from those nasty kids. Confessional #23959025

I recently learned that my daughter is not only a mean girl but also a bully. Where did I go wrong? My heart aches, and I swear I didn’t raise her to be this way. Confessional #25751684

Today, I found out my 11-year-old daughter has been acting like a mean girl at camp. Everyone says “not my kid!” but I never expected this from her. I’m devastated—I raised her better than that. I feel sickened and blame myself. Confessional #25470050

We can’t assume our kids are immune to mean girl culture. Even with our best efforts, our daughters can get caught up in it. We must engage them in conversations about bullying, understand their friendships, observe their interactions, and ensure they embody kindness and inclusivity.

The harsh reality is that mean girls won’t disappear. They grow up, remain mean, and raise a new generation of insufferable bullies. It’s our responsibility to ensure our kids aren’t part of this cycle, to teach them to stand up against cruelty, and to be defenders instead of bystanders.

As parents, we must actively combat mean girl culture. Every child deserves better!

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Summary: The article addresses the ongoing issue of mean girl behavior from childhood through adulthood, highlighting the responsibility of parents to raise kind and inclusive children. It shares real confessions from women reflecting on their experiences with mean girls, emphasizing the need to break the cycle of cruelty and support our daughters in standing up against bullying.

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