About six months after I weaned my first child, I experienced a panic attack—on an airplane, with my son sleeping soundly in my arms. I vividly remember glancing at my partner, eyes wide with fear, as my heart raced and sweat dripped down my forehead, soaking my shirt. My partner, unsure of how to respond, gently took the baby from my arms while I spiraled into panic. All I wanted was to catch my breath; nothing else mattered. My hands trembled, and my stomach churned. I can’t even recall how I came out of it, but I do remember feeling ill, disoriented, and utterly confused for the remainder of the day.
Following that overwhelming panic attack, I had more episodes—though not frequent, they were enough to make me feel like I was losing a part of myself. I became emotional and overwhelmed, as if my very being could unravel at any moment. I struggled to identify myself as not just a mother, but as an individual.
Seeking help, I visited a therapist who diagnosed me with an adjustment disorder, possibly exacerbated by hormonal shifts from stopping breastfeeding so suddenly. After several sessions filled with tears and conversation, I devised “The Plan,” which my therapist fully endorsed.
The Plan was a surprising one: I needed a break from motherhood. Writing that felt strange. My son was just 15 months old, and I was already yearning for a respite? I fought against feelings of guilt, but The Plan involved leaving my husband and home in Colorado—where he was busy launching his own business—and heading to California to live with my parents for 15 weeks. During this time, I would work full-time at a physical therapy clinic where I had previously spent four years, while my mother cared for my son during the day.
And so, I took those 15 weeks for myself. Gradually, I began to rediscover who I was—not only through my work alongside familiar colleagues, but also through being mothered by my own mom. I returned home each evening to homemade dinners, freshly folded laundry, and the joyful cuddles of my happy baby.
My panic attacks ceased as suddenly as they had begun. More importantly, I got to witness my mom nurture my child with a natural ease that I had lost since that breathless moment on the airplane. Each night, I eagerly anticipated hearing about their day’s adventures: “He walked all the way to the beach today!” or, “He hid from me in the mall and scared me half to death!”
When the 15 weeks came to a close, saying goodbye to my mom and son was heart-wrenching. She made it clear that he was now her little buddy, and I was lucky she was letting me take him back home. To this day, the bond they forged during those sunny days of sandcastles and laughter remains special, giving me the time to grow into my role as his mother.
If you’re looking for more insights on parenthood and the journey of motherhood, you might find it helpful to explore other blog posts like this one on our site. For those considering at-home insemination, check out Make A Mom for reputable kits that can support your journey. Additionally, for helpful resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Kindbody’s blog.
In summary, it’s vital to recognize when a mother needs nurturing too. Taking time for oneself can lead to a healthier mindset and a more enriching relationship with your child.
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