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My mother once recounted the tale of Mrs. Jacobs, the spouse of one of my father’s fishing companions, who made quite the impression at the local ladies’ gathering by sporting what appeared to be a pillow strapped to her midsection. This unusual accessory remained with her for several months, until one day she appeared without it, cradling a child who seemed closer to a toddler than an infant.
The Jacobs must have yearned for a child so deeply that they would have tried nearly anything to conceive. They likely transformed their approach to family planning, utilizing methods that were popular at the time. Mrs. Jacobs may have sought the wisdom of mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and even great-aunts, perhaps resorting to fertility rituals involving peculiar ingredients. When every other avenue was exhausted, they would have turned to adoption as a hopeful option.
Fast forward seventy years, and the societal views surrounding adoption seem almost archaic, akin to outdated fashion trends. Unfortunately, some individuals still perceive adoption as a last resort, or even something to be ashamed of.
When we decided to adopt, I would have eagerly donned a “baby bump” pillow over my clothes as a statement that our first child was on the way—though not in the traditional sense. I fantasized about announcing our exciting news with a sandwich board and a bullhorn, eager to share our joy with the world. However, I hesitated out of respect for my understated husband and a slight worry that the adoption agency might reconsider our application due to my exuberance.
Ultimately, we chose to share our happiness in a more conventional manner, sending out countless baby announcements and making numerous posts on social media. I may have even taken center stage at a few events, inadvertently drawing attention to our impending arrival.
The responses we received were mostly warm and congratulatory. However, some acquaintances offered unsolicited fertility advice, mistakenly believing we had struggled to conceive. They couldn’t mask their pity for what they assumed were our reproductive challenges, leaving us baffled yet entertained by their misconceptions.
On the other hand, a few older family friends expressed disdain for our public celebration, claiming that adoption was an act of selfishness and an embarrassment. It seemed they longed for the days when unwed mothers quietly disappeared until they could return home with a baby, expecting me to conceal my flat stomach until I had a biological child.
While I couldn’t grasp their point of view at the time, I now understand that their beliefs likely stemmed from outdated societal norms. It’s akin to mayonnaise—I recognize its existence and that some people accept it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Ultimately, the opinions of outsiders hold little weight. For those of us in the know, we understand that there are countless ways to build a family, and the ability to love and nurture a child is what truly matters. The primary distinction lies in how parents celebrate the arrival of their babies. Biological parents might capture the raw moments of birth on video, while our treasure was a swaddled infant placed gently in my arms at the airport.
No matter how you look at it, I believe we emerged victorious.
For more insights on family building, check out this blog post. If you’re looking for reliable resources on insemination, this guide on home insemination kits is invaluable. Additionally, you might find this overview of the IVF process quite helpful.
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In summary, adoption is a beautiful and valid way to create a family, and it deserves to be celebrated just as much as any other method of parenthood.