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As schools resumed in February, I decided to purchase a variety of child-sized masks. Among them was a light pink cotton 4-pack that appeared promising. My 9-year-old daughter found them adorable, but they were too small for her. My 6-year-old son, however, liked them and they fit him perfectly, though he initially expressed reluctance to wear them to school. I didn’t need to ask for an explanation—I understood.
Then, last Friday morning, he had a change of heart. Owen announced that he wanted to try on the new pink masks. The last few minutes before we left the house are usually a frenzy, so I didn’t pause to discuss his decision. I quickly handed him a bag of masks and ushered everyone outside.
By the time I got back from drop-off, I had almost forgotten about the pink masks. I was deep into work when I received an email from Owen’s teacher. She informed me that two girls had teased my son for wearing “a girl mask” while lining up for recess. Thankfully, she took the opportunity to explain to the class that colors aren’t gendered. She also reached out to the parents of the girls involved, and I appreciated her proactive approach.
Owen had brushed off the incident by the time he returned home. When I asked him about it, he insisted he felt fine and was ready to wear his pink masks again. We reinforced the idea that colors, jobs, and interests aren’t restricted by gender, and he moved on.
However, I couldn’t shake the incident from my mind. While I expected teasing from other boys, the girls’ reactions surprised me. As a society, we’re beginning to discuss boys’ vulnerabilities and the importance of men supporting women. Yet, I believe we also need to encourage girls to embrace the vulnerability of boys.
Owen displayed vulnerability by wearing that pink mask, which many boys do when they defy societal norms—favoring “inappropriate” choices like unicorns over “appropriate” ones like trucks. This vulnerability carries risks. It can lead to validation and a boost in confidence, or it can result in ridicule and shame. Fortunately, in this instance, Owen’s experience was positive, thanks in part to his teacher. But it could have easily gone the other way, with that pink mask becoming a source of shame, hidden away in his backpack.
This may seem like a minor incident, but as a gender expert, I recognize how small moments can accumulate over time, shaping adult behavior. The statistics are sobering; for instance, women made up 80% of those who left the workforce during the pandemic to care for others. I wondered about the men who actively tried to share household responsibilities during this time. I interviewed 45 married men who were committed to dividing domestic chores evenly, both physical and emotional.
These men spoke about the importance of being accepted for their authentic selves, feeling comfortable in roles that included caregiving and nurturing. Many adjusted their work schedules or even declined promotions to be more available for their families.
It became clear why Owen’s mask experience lingered in my mind: boys need acceptance from an early age to develop the confidence to redefine masculinity and live authentically. This acceptance begins with small acts, like wearing a pink mask, and can eventually lead to significant choices, such as equally sharing household responsibilities.
As parents, we must recognize the challenges boys face when displaying vulnerability, especially when their peers don’t. We should continuously encourage boys to express their true feelings. However, we also need to engage our daughters in the conversation.
After Owen’s experience, my partner and I spoke with our daughter about how she could support boys in her class who may step outside traditional masculinity. We prompted her to think about whether she had ever noticed her friends deviating from gender norms and how she responded. This discussion is crucial; accepting boys’ vulnerabilities benefits everyone. Confident, authentic boys grow into supportive brothers, friends, partners, and fathers.
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Summary
Teaching our daughters to accept boys’ vulnerability is essential for fostering a supportive environment that allows boys to express themselves authentically. By encouraging open conversations and challenging gender norms, we can help shape a future where all children feel empowered to be their true selves, ultimately benefiting society as a whole.