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For over thirteen years, I embraced the life of a stay-at-home mom, fully committed to my role. I vividly remember my last day at work, pregnant and leaving with a bouquet of balloons, flowers, and a bag of my favorite molasses donuts—my pregnancy craving. At that moment, I felt a sense of relief, believing I wouldn’t ever want to return to work.
Fast forward thirteen years, and I found that being a mother was no longer fulfilling enough. I volunteered at my children’s school, but it still left me wanting more. I began running, yet it still didn’t satisfy my thirst for personal growth. After discussing my feelings with my then-husband, I realized that while I had taken on the responsibilities of managing our household—caring for the kids, organizing social activities, cooking, cleaning, and handling appointments—my identity felt incomplete.
Initially, I thought it was best to remain in my current situation. I was fortunate to stay home, and I questioned who would take care of everything I managed if I returned to work. Fast forward to today, I am now a full-time remote worker. However, I still grapple with guilt about transitioning from being a more accessible mom to one with a defined work schedule and deadlines.
My journey back into the workforce was challenging. I sometimes accepted commitments that overwhelmed me, trying to maintain the same standards I had while being a stay-at-home mom. I struggled to balance my responsibilities and ultimately realized I was drowning in it all. This struggle is rarely discussed, especially among mothers who appear to manage everything effortlessly.
This realization has not only affected me but also my children, especially when I find myself snapping at them due to my overwhelming workload.
Recently, I came across an enlightening article in Elle featuring Audrey Langston, co-host of NPR’s All Things Considered, where she shared her experiences of motherhood. After establishing her career, she had children later in life and faced skepticism about her ability to juggle both work and family. She reflected on her desire to continue thriving in her career, even while navigating motherhood.
Langston candidly admitted, “I still wanted to do those things, even when I couldn’t. It caused an identity crisis in a way, because I wasn’t ready to be stripped of those things.” She experienced feelings of postpartum depression and the pressure of wanting to keep up with her career while tending to her children.
While observing colleagues advance in their careers, she learned to adjust her self-expectations and concentrate on what she could realistically contribute. She noted, “At the end of my work day, I need a glass of wine and my children to be very quiet. I don’t need to get on social media to prove I’m still relevant.”
Many of us, after becoming mothers, feel pressured to showcase our capabilities, leading to the “Supermom” mentality. Langston emphasizes that this approach isn’t sustainable. After overcommitting, she realized the toll it took on her health, saying, “My hair was falling out, and I was so stressed. I realized I was trying to prove to everyone that ‘I still got it.’”
One of the most vital lessons she shared is that if you appear capable of managing everything, others won’t offer help. As mothers, we must prioritize what is best for our families and ourselves, regardless of external perceptions.
Langston advises, “No one’s going to ask you if you need help. The only thing that’s going to stop this cycle is you.” When we take on too much, our colleagues and bosses assume we can handle it, leading to further burnout.
This resonates with many of us—striving to prove that motherhood hasn’t impeded our ambition can be detrimental. Motherhood inevitably shifts our priorities, and there’s no need to apologize for that.
If you’re a mom struggling to balance work and family life, it’s perfectly acceptable to say no and redirect your focus inward. Your mental health is paramount because when mom isn’t happy, nobody is.
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In summary, the transition from stay-at-home mom to working mom can be fraught with challenges, and it’s essential to recognize the need for balance and self-care. Audrey Langston’s insights serve as a reminder that we must prioritize our well-being, adjust our expectations, and seek help when needed.