artificial insemination syringe
I recently came to the realization that I have never once shared my pronouns with anyone. This epiphany struck me while replying to an email from one of my editors, who has her pronouns included in her email signature. Why haven’t I shared mine? I figured out that it’s due to my pronoun privilege.
I identify with “she” and “her,” and when I’m out and about, I often hear “ma’am” from younger employees (it really makes me feel old). Just the other day, my daughter’s friend respectfully referred to me as Mrs. Thompson. Society’s norms lead others to assume my pronouns and titles align with traditional gender roles, which grants me the privilege of not having to frequently correct others or feel uncomfortable about it.
I must admit, I’ve misused people’s pronouns several times over the past year. On my first day meeting a new colleague, I cheerily greeted them with “Hey, lady!” only to learn their preferred pronouns are they/them, and that “Hey, friend” would be more suitable. I felt terrible for making such a hasty assumption, especially while trying to make a positive impression at my new workplace. However, it’s crucial to remember: it’s not about me.
That’s the nature of privilege. It can blind you to others’ needs, as it fosters the false belief that your experiences are universally shared and that everyone operates on a level playing field. Yet, we know that’s not the reality.
A quick glance at the news reveals the alarming rates of suicide among transgender youth. The rights of the LGBTQ+ community are under constant threat, with minimal equity and safety. While my pronoun privilege may appear trivial in the grand scheme, wrongly assuming someone’s pronouns is undoubtedly a microaggression. My education in anti-racism and activism has taught me that even minor aggressions can have significant effects. Words have power.
I’ve never included my pronouns in my email signature, social media bios, or writing because I benefit from societal assumptions. I fit the conventional image associated with pronouns like she, her, Mrs., or Ms., leading others to assume my identity without question. This is a freedom that many do not enjoy.
Reflecting on this has been enlightening. As a former college writing instructor, I often lectured my students on the importance of using “they” and “them” to describe a singular person. I would insist they avoid defaulting to the plural when referring to individuals. However, I’ve struggled to adapt my mindset in light of changing norms. Just because something has always been accepted doesn’t mean it should remain so. We must be open to learning for the sake of our neighbors’ well-being.
If you misrepresent someone’s pronouns, the solution is straightforward. Apologize sincerely and strive to do better in the future. Don’t get defensive if someone corrects you; recognize their courage in sharing their identity, say you’re sorry, and commit to improvement. If you’re unsure of someone’s pronouns, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask, “What are your pronouns?” or “How would you like me to refer to you?” Sharing your own pronouns fosters respect and solidarity.
It’s normal to find pronoun usage confusing. Embrace that difference isn’t inherently negative. What is unacceptable is disregarding someone’s preferred pronouns or failing to apologize when you misgender them. It costs you nothing to use the correct pronouns, and your willingness to learn can significantly impact how that person feels. Ultimately, this is about respecting another human being.
Consider how repeatedly being misgendered can affect someone’s mental health, especially when compounded by chronic harassment and a lack of protections just for being themselves.
We should also re-evaluate assumptions based on gender, such as referring to children as “sons” or “daughters.” While not the same as misusing pronouns, these assumptions can accumulate and cause issues. Perhaps we should reconsider gender reveal parties, too (I know I’ll get some backlash for this one).
I recognize that I often say “Hey, guys” to everyone. I’m continually working on this. Part of my journey involves acknowledging my pronoun privilege and making my pronouns clear to others—not for my own sake, but to show that I respect theirs as well.
I can’t guarantee I haven’t made mistakes in this article either. The important thing is that we are all learning. If you’re not evolving, you might be inadvertently causing harm. I believe most of us want to be decent people, striving to improve. Sometimes, being our best means adapting for the benefit of others.
For additional insights on related topics, check out our other blog post here. If you’re interested in exploring fertility journeys, Make A Mom is an authority on the subject. For those seeking comprehensive information on pregnancy and home insemination, News Medical is an excellent resource.
Search queries:
In summary, recognizing and respecting individuals’ pronouns is vital for fostering understanding and support. It requires humility and a willingness to learn, and acknowledging our own privileges can lead to a more inclusive environment for everyone.