My eldest son, Lucas, fell head over heels for a girl named Mia about a year ago. He was pretty hush-hush about it, but I could hear him chatting away in his room on FaceTime. Whenever I inquired about her, he would just clam up, so I took it upon myself to dig a little deeper.
I listened in a few times through his door and began to sneak a peek at her social media. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but unless you’ve had a teen who’s smitten and keeps you in the dark about their new love interest, you might not understand the urge to play detective.
Anyway, after a year, I finally met Mia, and my first thought was, “Wow, she’s so similar to me!” She’s a bit assertive, values cleanliness, hits the hay early, and is a go-getter. After seeing Lucas’s messy room, she took it upon herself to clean it up. Then, she came downstairs and asked for a trash can and a hamper for his room. Sure thing, I thought.
I told her it was lovely of her to tidy up, but I warned her, “He won’t keep it clean. I’ve been trying for years, and he never even puts sheets on the bed.” But, to my surprise, Lucas claimed he had improved since she organized his space and helped him toss out four bags of trash.
You know what? Ever since Mia came over that day, he’s maintained the cleanliness. He now goes to bed early and wakes up early. I used to wake up for a midnight bathroom run and see his light still on, only to tell him to get back to bed.
I used to struggle to get him to pick clothes when shopping with his sister. I tried everything to get him out of his beloved sweats, but he always mumbled, “I don’t want anything.” Now, he’s all spruced up in floral shirts, khaki joggers, and bright white Air Force 1s that practically need sunglasses to look at.
He gets regular haircuts, showers frequently, and the scent of cologne has replaced the musty smell that used to linger in his room. He even puts his clothes in the hamper instead of leaving them on the floor.
Lucas never liked the sandwiches I made for school, but Mia makes the exact same ham and cheese, and he happily accepts them. I see how this goes!
Sure, some of this is just him growing up, but I can’t help but notice that I’ve been somewhat replaced, and I’m okay with it. He probably sees us as two distinct people: me, the old mom who never let him have any fun, and her, the exciting girlfriend he adores. Naturally, everything she says carries weight, while my advice (even when it’s the same) comes from a tired old lady who doesn’t know anything.
I haven’t pointed out that he keeps his room clean after her one afternoon of cleaning it for him. I haven’t mentioned the countless hours I spent trying to get him to maintain some order or improve his hygiene. I’ve also kept quiet about how much Mia resembles me in her style of communication, her love for order, and her early bedtime.
It hasn’t been easy, but I can hold my tongue. This is just part of watching our kids grow up, and the most important thing is that Lucas is happy. Their relationship is strong, and they respect each other, truly best friends.
If the price I have to pay is seeing him do things with her that he’d never do with me—like making sushi or going fishing, and suddenly he’s into shopping—I can handle that. I’m here to support my son and not interfere with something good in his life just because it takes away time we used to spend together.
I won’t deny it stings a bit, but expressing that wouldn’t benefit either of us.
For More Insights
For more insights on navigating parenting and relationships, check out this blog post on home insemination. If you’re curious about fertility, makeamom.com is a great resource. Additionally, for more information on pregnancy, visit CDC’s infertility resource.
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Summary
In the journey of parenting, it’s natural for children to shift their attentions away from their parents as they grow, especially when they fall in love. A mother reflects on her son’s transformation since he began dating his girlfriend, recognizing both the challenges and the joys of watching him thrive in a new relationship. While she feels replaced in some ways, she ultimately values his happiness and supports his growth.