“I feel like I’m failing my kids,” my friend said, voicing a sentiment many of us know too well. Even before she expressed her thoughts, I could sense the fatigue and anxiety in her tone. At that moment, I wasn’t ready to admit that I shared her feelings.
Just a week later, I confided in her, “I’m worried my kids will struggle in kindergarten because of me. I just can’t handle it all.” The pandemic forced me to utter words I never thought I would: “I can’t do this.” Before everything changed, I managed to juggle my responsibilities, even if not perfectly, but I would never have acknowledged needing assistance. As Anne Helen Peterson wrote in the New York Times, “This is parenting burnout, pandemic style: You’re still managing the mental load of the household, while also making sure the masks are laundered, the Zoom schedules are followed, and trying to figure out how much kid screen time is too much and how much screen time is necessary to just get through your day.”
But why do I, and countless other parents, feel compelled to do it all? Society imposes this expectation on us. With all the perfect images on Instagram showcasing pristine living rooms and immaculate kitchens, it seems like everyone else is managing just fine—so why can’t we?
Let’s be honest—those perfectly curated photos don’t show the mountains of laundry sitting in the corner, nor do they reveal the effort behind the scenes to create a clean space. The belief that we can “do it all” is a façade, and we need to acknowledge how unrealistic it is. This mindset leads to burnout, and it’s perfectly okay to voice it. Try this: say it out loud, “I am burned out.”
Our exhaustion stems from the immense responsibilities we shoulder. We feel we can’t take a break, and we’re determined to offer our kids as much normalcy as possible, even during a pandemic. Peterson notes that “The metaphor of the second shift isn’t a metaphor at all — they are doing two full-time jobs.” To manage both roles, many parents sacrifice sleep and personal time.
Our desire for a tidy home and well-kept yards adds to the pressure. We often hesitate to ask for help, fearing judgment or feeling that we can’t afford assistance, even for a few hours.
This cycle of overcommitment is one we’ve created for ourselves, and the only way out is to admit that we are tired, that we can’t do everything, and that we shouldn’t be expected to. The fear of falling short—whether at work, in our relationships, or in our children’s education—can be overwhelming. We need to silence that negative self-talk. It’s time for us as parents to decide to live differently. Yes, it may require more effort to advocate for ourselves in various areas of life, but our mental health is at stake.
As Jessica Grose highlighted in a New York Times article, spending time outdoors, or even simulating nature, can enhance cognitive function and alleviate feelings of anxiety. It might be challenging to carve out time, but even a 50-minute walk outside can lead to improved memory and reduced stress, regardless of the weather.
Once we acknowledge our own burnout, let’s take a moment to assess our kids’ needs. They might also benefit from a break. Show them that it’s okay to rest—let them see you taking a moment for yourself, coffee in hand, while the dishes pile up and emails remain unanswered. It’s essential for them to understand that taking a break is not only acceptable but something to aspire to, free from guilt or scrutiny.
If we don’t prioritize our own well-being—allowing the laundry to stack up, opting for takeout when cooking feels overwhelming, and resisting the urge to over-schedule our kids—we risk passing on a lifestyle of exhaustion and reluctance to seek help.
Let’s change the narrative for the next generation. We don’t have to teach them that this kind of life is normal. So, take a well-deserved break. You’ll be doing yourself a favor, and your children will thank you for it in the long run.
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- How to manage parenting burnout
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In summary, it’s crucial to recognize and address the burnout many parents experience, especially in challenging times. By prioritizing self-care and modeling healthy habits for our children, we can create a more balanced life for ourselves and future generations.