Making friends as a mom is shockingly similar to dating. You start with small talk, gauge the chemistry, and sometimes exchange contact info. There are playdates that feel promising, but then you might not hear from them again. Or, I might go radio silent myself.
At 32, married with two little ones, I simply don’t have the time or energy for anything that feels like “dating.” Over the years, I’ve pinpointed what I look for in friendships and, yes, I’m a bit choosy. But I stand by my preferences, especially when it comes to these deal breakers:
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Your kid is unkind to mine.
Kids can be little monsters at times—trust me, I’ve dealt with biting and hitting like every other parent. However, I’m talking about persistent rudeness or aggression. If your child is consistently mean and you don’t seem to care, I won’t let my child hang around with them. I want my daughter to grow up understanding she deserves respect, and that means protecting her from kids who don’t get that.
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You’re harsh with your child.
Witnessing a parent berate their child makes me uncomfortable. This includes belittling, constant yelling, or humiliating them in public. We all lose it sometimes, but what matters is how we come back from those moments. I think children should always feel safe and supported, and if I see that’s not the case, I’ll distance myself to avoid feeling the urge to intervene.
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You reward bad behavior.
When I see your kid getting rewarded for throwing a tantrum, it sets off a chain reaction. My child starts mimicking that behavior, thinking it’s acceptable. Next thing you know, I’m dealing with a mini-meltdown at home, and we’re all spiraling into chaos. It’s a cycle I can’t afford to repeat.
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You treat sugar like it’s poison.
I’m all for healthy eating, but I love my treats—cookies, cupcakes, you name it. I’ll occasionally let my kids indulge in sweets, chips, or even McDonald’s (oh no!). If you’re the parent who constantly brings up gluten, sugar, or clean eating, it gets exhausting fast. We can have different views, but don’t expect people to want to hang out if you’re always bringing that up.
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You’re always trying to sell me something.
I get it; supporting a family on one income is tough. But if you’re constantly pushing products or services on me, it’s a turn-off. I’d rather spend any extra cash we might stumble upon on a night out or some much-needed wine rather than on whatever you’re peddling.
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You’re glued to your phone.
In this digital age, it’s easy to get sidetracked by technology. However, if you’re always texting or scrolling while we’re trying to connect, I find it rude. Friendships require attention, and if you can’t give that, our bond won’t last.
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You’re a perpetual pessimist.
Parenting can be a struggle, and I appreciate friends I can vent to. Yet, some people always seem to be in victim mode, complaining without ever looking for solutions. Our time together should be enjoyable, not draining. I’m all for the occasional vent session, but balance is key.
Ultimately, I don’t care about your parenting choices—what you feed your kids, your daycare preferences, or your parenting philosophies. What matters is that I don’t have the time or energy for friendships that add stress to my life. A true friendship should make life feel lighter, not heavier, and if it doesn’t, that’s a deal breaker for me.
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In summary, choosing the right mom friends involves knowing what you can and cannot tolerate. These deal breakers serve as my guide to ensuring that my friendships enhance my life rather than complicate it.
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