16 Things We Avoid to Maintain a Joyful Marriage

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As of yesterday, I celebrated 16 wonderful years of marriage with my husband, Cheddar (yes, that’s his cheesy nickname!). It’s been an incredibly happy journey, and I’d like to share some insights that contribute to our blissful union. Rather than telling you what you should do, let’s dive into what we consciously choose not to do.

Having observed various relationships over the years, I’ve pinpointed certain behaviors that can create or worsen issues in a marriage. Perhaps that’s why we’re still crazy about each other after all this time. Here are 16 things we don’t do:

1. We don’t assign blame.
   It’s tempting to point fingers when life gets messy—be it household chores, the kids’ behavior, or financial stress. But we tackle these challenges as a team. Blame only drives a wedge between us; instead, we focus on solutions together.
2. We don’t engage in mind games.
   Honesty is key in our relationship. We communicate openly and avoid setting traps for one another. I’ve witnessed couples exhausting themselves with convoluted mind games; we prefer straightforward, kind conversations.
3. We don’t read between the lines.
   Because we express our feelings directly, we never have to guess each other’s emotions. Early in our marriage, we learned the importance of asking instead of making assumptions. Open dialogue cuts down on misunderstandings.
4. We don’t hold onto grudges.
   Grudges serve no purpose for us. When something bothers us, we talk it out and move on. Holding onto past grievances only complicates our relationship.
5. We don’t vent about each other to others.
   Sharing your spouse’s faults with friends rarely benefits a marriage. While it’s okay to seek advice, we avoid disparaging each other in public.
6. We don’t share every thought.
   Even in our open relationship, we exercise discernment. I don’t burden Cheddar with unnecessary worries, and he keeps some thoughts private too. It’s healthy to maintain a sense of individuality.
7. We don’t entertain jealousy.
   Cheddar has a soft spot for a few celebrities, and I have my crushes too. We trust each other and know that admiration doesn’t threaten our bond. Jealousy stems from insecurity, and we steer clear of it.
8. We don’t expect to meet all needs.
   While we fulfill many of each other’s needs, we also understand the importance of having our own friends and interests. It’s healthy to have some space and independence.
9. We don’t allow life’s chaos to overshadow our marriage.
   This can be a challenge, especially with young children. We make a conscious effort to keep our relationship a priority, touching base and supporting each other through the hectic times.
10. We don’t downplay or exaggerate physical intimacy.
    It’s important, but we treat it with the nuance it deserves. Balance is key.
11. We don’t overlook each other’s love languages.
    Understanding each other’s love languages—like Cheddar’s preference for Physical Touch and my love for Acts of Service—allows us to express affection in ways that resonate most.
12. We don’t take each other for granted.
    I appreciate Cheddar’s contributions as a partner and father, and he acknowledges my efforts too. Gratitude goes a long way in maintaining a positive atmosphere.
13. We don’t focus on flaws.
    We both have imperfections, but instead of dwelling on them, we embrace the quirks that make us unique. The positives in our relationship far outweigh any negatives.
14. We don’t fight.
    While we might have disagreements, we’ve never had what I would label as a fight. We communicate calmly and resolve differences without hostility.
15. We don’t take life too seriously.
    One of the reasons we avoid conflict is that we often find humor in our situations. Laughter and silliness keep our bond light and joyful.
16. We don’t view marriage as a struggle.
    Though it comes with challenges, marriage should be a source of support and joy. If we ever find ourselves struggling for too long, we’re open to seeking help together. Marriage is about facing challenges as a team.

We’re not perfect, but our relationship is genuinely rewarding. Here’s to another 16 years, and many more to come. If you’re interested, check out our post on intra-cervical insemination for more insights on family building. If you’re looking for at-home insemination kits, Cryobaby is a reputable online retailer. For additional information on pregnancy and home insemination, RESOLVE is an excellent resource.

Summary:

A happy marriage thrives on open communication, mutual respect, and understanding. By avoiding blame, mind games, and jealousy, couples can foster a nurturing relationship that prioritizes love and partnership. Recognizing each other’s strengths, practicing gratitude, and maintaining a sense of humor can contribute to a lasting bond.