Dear Kids,
I want to take a moment to express my heartfelt apologies for having to work. I regret putting you to bed early because I’m worn out from a long day at the office. I’m sorry that when you’re under the weather, my initial thought is, “Can I take a day off tomorrow?” I wish I could always be the one to care for you when you’re sick, but sometimes that’s just not possible.
I’m sorry I’m not there in the morning to hear about your dreams because I’m at work, dreaming about being by your side. I regret sharing my peanut butter and jelly sandwich with colleagues instead of with you. When your sitter tells you that “mommy will be home soon,” you have no idea how desperately I wish “soon” meant “now.”
I apologize for discussing grown-up matters like budgets and curriculum instead of fairy tales and tea parties. I wish I could spend my time playing with you instead of ironing my work attire. It pains me that my job follows me home, and I often find myself staring at the computer screen more than gazing into your beautiful eyes.
Every time you ask me to play hide-and-seek, I find myself saying, “I just need to finish one more task for work.” I regret that rainy days don’t allow us to sleep in together or that our weekends are far too short and our evenings feel rushed. I’m sorry most of the dinners I prepare during the week are quick meals that lack the love and care they deserve.
I understand other children enjoy being dropped off and picked up by their moms. I wish I had the time to make all those fun crafts I see on my Pinterest board, but the reality is that our busy lives often get in the way. I hate that I might miss your first milestones, seeing them only after the fact. I apologize for having to coordinate with Dad about who takes you to your doctor’s appointments. I wish I could kiss your boo-boos instead of healing them over FaceTime.
It’s frustrating to think about how I could have chosen a career path with fewer hours but more financial reward. I work to provide you with the opportunities I didn’t have as a child—family vacations, a college fund, and perhaps a few extra dollars for dress-up clothes and tea sets. I promise I’m away from you to make your lives better, but the guilt I feel can be overwhelming.
I knew I would have to work when I became a parent, but the reality is far more challenging than I imagined. I never anticipated how much love would fill my heart when I’m with you and how deeply it would hurt when I’m apart. I’m truly sorry for feeling guilty about working and for the tears I shed at night when I worry about whether I’m doing enough as a mother.
But amidst the sorrow, I’m also grateful. I appreciate that you understand the importance of my job and that you’re thankful for the life it provides. I cherish that you still call me your best friend, even when our time together feels fleeting. Most importantly, when I hold your hand a little too tightly as we walk to the car, I’m thankful you squeeze mine back even harder.
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In summary, while I may often apologize for my work commitments, my love for you remains unwavering. Together, we navigate this journey of motherhood, filled with challenges and gratitude.
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