During my divorce, I often heard the phrase, “You’re going to be okay!” Admittedly, it was quite frustrating—especially when I felt anything but okay. It’s easy for someone who isn’t facing the challenges you are to offer such reassurances. You know, that whole “Put Your Hair Up and Get Sh*t Done” philosophy? Snap a photo and show everyone how well you’re managing. Keep it together for the kids. Find a new partner!
Deep down, we all understand that we will navigate through life’s difficulties. We’ll eventually come to terms with our new reality. We know that time has a way of healing, but what about those long, unbearable moments of waiting for that time to soothe our pain? That is where it gets tough.
We exist in a society that often encourages us to simply “walk it off,” even inspiring entire books about how to uplift ourselves by just washing our faces. This perspective can lead us to bury our sadness and anxiety deeper inside, twisting and turning, desperate for acknowledgment, while we tell ourselves to be quiet. We might convince ourselves that a new outfit will shift our mood or that if we just get moving, those feelings will vanish along with our so-called “hot girl” mindset.
I fell for that for a bit. I thought that if I acted like everything was fine and didn’t confront my feelings, they would eventually wash away like dirt down the drain. But we know that’s not how it works.
There are days when I find myself driving, sobbing to my favorite sad songs. There are nights I retreat to bed early because I just can’t face another moment of the day. There are times when I leave texts unanswered, skip shaving my legs, let laundry pile up, and simply gaze out the window.
I refuse to spend my life pushing forward without taking the time to embrace my emotions. When we feel good, we take action—painting our nails, working out, dancing, dressing up, sharing our creativity, tidying our homes. But when sadness hits, the instinct often leads us to the couch with a bag of chips instead of engaging in something constructive.
So, why is it that when we’re feeling low, we feel the urge to force ourselves into a peppier persona, one that is ready to tackle projects or write a novel?
Let me tell you, embracing my “sad girl” moments has been life-changing. Why? Because when I allow myself to feel sadness, anxiety, frustration, or exhaustion—emotions that often get labeled as weakness—I bounce back much quicker than if I try to suppress them. My energy returns faster, I sleep better, and I find it easier to forgive myself and others. I begin to feel like my old self again when I allow myself the grace to simply be sad.
Just the other day, I found myself crying on the way to the grocery store. By the time I arrived, I didn’t have the strength to get out of the car. I had no specific reason for my mood—it was just one of those days. Instead of forcing myself to enter the store, I treated myself to a soda from my favorite fast-food joint and called my best friend. We talked for over an hour, and afterward, I felt ready to grab my groceries.
Not long ago, I would have pushed myself through the store, dismissing my feelings as silly, and I would have left feeling irritable, which would have eventually affected my kids. Instead of trying to put on a brave face, I opted to connect with my friend while still in the car, instead of doing my makeup or pretending my feelings didn’t exist.
I’m not suggesting we give in to every urge to be unmotivated. Sometimes a little fresh air or a splash of mascara can lift our spirits. But we also know when those efforts won’t work and will only drain us further.
Let’s normalize the idea that “hot girl” energy is just a small part of our lives. Everyone I know experiences “sad girl” moments, even if they try to disguise them. Remember, we all have days when we feel down. Speaking from experience, I can say I’m much happier now that I allow myself to feel instead of forcing a smile through the sadness.
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Summary:
This article sheds light on the often-overlooked emotional struggles we face, especially during tough life moments like divorce. Embracing our feelings—rather than suppressing them—can lead to quicker recovery and a more authentic sense of self. It’s essential to recognize that while we may strive for that “hot girl” energy, it’s equally important to validate our “sad girl” experiences.