The last time I heard my dad’s voice, it was a mix-up—he called me while trying to reach my aunt after arriving at a bus stop in New Mexico. Our conversation was brief; I shared about my new job, and I asked if he’d swing by to see us on his way home. I can still hear the bittersweet tone in his voice when he said, “Not this time.”
It was just three days into my new job when I received a call during lunch. “Are you sitting down?” my aunt’s voice trembled. “Your dad’s had a severe stroke. They’re doing everything they can, but it doesn’t look good. I’m so sorry.” In a matter of moments, my world crumbled.
The days that followed are somewhat hazy. I chose not to fly out to see him; I didn’t want my final memories to be of him as a mere shadow of himself. Instead, I turned to my old coping mechanism: writing. I called his hospital room, and my uncle held the phone to his ear while I poured my heart out in a letter, tears streaming down my face. He passed away just five minutes after we hung up.
Now, nearly three years later, I’m finally at a point where I can reflect on my experience without falling apart. I feel as though I’ve matured significantly during this time, largely due to the profound lessons I’ve learned about love, life, and grief.
Grief is an Everlasting Companion
Grief doesn’t simply vanish; it hits you like a freight train, knocking you off your feet and making you want to retreat from the world. It can strike unexpectedly, at any moment. While this intense feeling never fully disappears, it does shift with time. Nowadays, I find myself smiling more often when memories of him surface, although there are still days when I need to take a moment to let the sadness wash over me. The ache of missing him remains, and some days, it feels heavier than others.
Laughter is the Best Medicine
The sadness that follows a loss can be overwhelming, making you wonder if you’ll ever find joy again. I remember asking my husband if I would ever laugh again. Surrounding myself with joy became essential, and my daughter played a crucial role in that. Her infectious laughter and innocent joy reminded me that life still had beauty. The more I embraced laughter, the more the pieces of me that felt shattered began to come together.
Avoid the “What If” Trap
Don’t allow yourself to be trapped by endless “what if” scenarios. Playing the blame game with yourself or others only leads to resentment, which is a burdensome weight to carry. We can’t change what has happened; we must learn from it. Sometimes forgiveness—of ourselves or others—is necessary to move forward.
Cherish Every Moment
Life’s unpredictability is something we all share; tomorrow is never guaranteed. Don’t let worries about the future overshadow your enjoyment of the present. We only have one chance to experience this roller coaster of life, so embrace it fully. Hug your loved ones tightly, express your feelings, and live each day with gratitude. You are alive—make it count.
Rebuilding after your world has shattered requires strength, courage, and most importantly, time. Remember the joy of having your loved one in your life, and cherish the love that never truly fades; it evolves into something deeper and more meaningful than what the physical world can offer.
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In summary, losing a loved one teaches us invaluable lessons about love, life, and the healing journey. While grief may never fully disappear, it transforms over time. Embrace joy, avoid dwelling on the past, and cherish every moment with those you love.
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