There’s nothing quite like being thousands of miles away from home, exhausted and frazzled, with two energetic kids in tow, to make you question your parenting skills. That’s exactly where I found myself last week during our “vacation” in sunny California, visiting friends and family. It took nearly a week for my two-year-old to adjust to the new time zone, resulting in multiple tearful meltdowns during mornings and evenings. He keeps asking when we’ll finally return home (I’m wondering the same thing, little buddy!). Meanwhile, my picky eight-year-old has subsisted solely on cereal and chips for the entire trip. What a blast.
Every single morning, as we head down for the continental breakfast, the kids are bickering. They’re arguing with each other: “Stop poking me! That’s my chair! Quit saying my name!” They’re also arguing with us: “But you promised we could have chocolate for breakfast!” And don’t even get me started on breakfast food disputes; my eight-year-old insists that California milk tastes completely different than the milk back home, while my two-year-old claims the pancakes aren’t round enough.
And the noise—oh, the noise. They keep chattering away in their high-pitched, squeaky voices while standing on chairs, hiding under tables, and creating elaborate kingdoms out of their toast and waffles. They even pour salt on each other’s heads. Heads turn, and a woman at a nearby table shoots us a disapproving glare. One child has strawberry jam smeared across his nose, and the other has his hand tucked down his pants. They are loud and chaotic—definitely not the picture of decorum.
We try to shush them, and they somewhat comply. Sure, we whisk them out of the room when they become too unruly, but it’s impossible to ignore the fact that they’re just being, well, wild.
In my earlier days as a mother, those disapproving stares would have cut right through me. I would have turned inward, questioning whether I truly deserved the title of “mom.” My internal monologue went something like this:
- Why are my kids the loudest ones here? Just look at that family next to us—eating breakfast in serene silence, cutting their waffles into perfect squares. Even their baby is quietly opening his mouth for green mush!
- Why can’t my children follow even the simplest instructions? Are they the only ones who don’t respect parental authority?
- Other parents seem to have it all figured out. They read discipline books, implement sticker charts, and have it all under control. Stickers! That’s what I need to try next.
I’ll admit, I still have those thoughts when we’re out and about with our cranky children. I feel like my parenting is on display—not just in the hotel breakfast area, but also while visiting family and friends I haven’t seen in years, whose opinions I hold dear.
Feeling insecure about your children’s behavior in those moments—wondering if you’re doing everything wrong—is reminiscent of being back in middle school. Your cheeks flush, your heart races, and emotions bubble to the surface. You feel like running off to the bathroom and locking yourself in a stall for a good cry.
But you can’t escape. You can’t hand off your kids to someone else in that moment. It’s just you. You’re in charge, no shortcuts, no way out.
However, there’s one silver lining I’ve learned to remember over the years, especially during times like these: I am not alone.
And neither are you.
I admit, I get a little annoyed when people tell struggling parents they aren’t alone. Because when everything seems to be falling apart, it truly feels like you’re on your own. But in the back of your mind, you can still acknowledge that every parent wrestles with feelings of uncertainty daily—particularly when they’re out of their comfort zone and feel the weight of the world’s gaze upon them.
So, to all the parents navigating life with their boisterous children:
- Your kids are not the only ones who wail in public, even after you’ve done everything possible to ensure they are well-rested and ready for the day.
- Your children aren’t the only ones who appear to disregard cleanliness and decorum.
- You’re not the only parents whose kids take “spirited” to a whole new level—dancing on tables, belting out songs, demanding candy at the crack of dawn, and flashing their belly buttons to strangers.
- And you are certainly not the only parent who feels utterly lost. You are not alone in your quest for answers, making it all up as you go along.
What the outside world sees (and what you see in those chaotic moments) is merely a fleeting snapshot of your life as a parent. It’s a life heightened when tensions rise and voices elevate. More people need to understand that and stop judging parents based on a single five-minute glimpse.
The truth is, your kids truly do shine—even when they’re acting out. They excel at being kids, and it’s completely normal for them to struggle with transitions. Sibling squabbles? Totally par for the course. It’s entirely normal for children to get messy, loud, and a little unruly. Testing boundaries is just a part of their development, an expression of trust and love.
Remember, the rowdiest, most unpredictable kids often possess the brightest minds. They’re the ones who’ll surprise you by learning to swim in just a few days or create elaborate dance routines at the crack of dawn while you’re pretending to sleep.
Your children are exceptional at being themselves, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You’re not alone in feeling like you’re losing your sanity. You’re not alone in feeling utterly isolated.
Because you’re not. At the very moment you’re convinced you’re failing, someone else is grappling with those same feelings. It could even be me.
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Summary
Parenting can be chaotic, especially when you’re far from home and your kids are acting out. It’s easy to feel judged and alone in those moments, but remember, every parent faces similar challenges. Embrace the wildness of your children; they’re just being kids! You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed, and it’s okay to take a deep breath and know that others are in the same boat.
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