In today’s culture, owning a home has become a significant aspiration, often linked to the “American Dream.” However, for many, this dream feels out of reach. Many view homeownership as an investment in future wealth, but it often requires a substantial financial foundation that many simply do not have. On Netflix’s Marriage or Mortgage, couples are confronted with a dilemma that many face: if you can afford only one, which path will you choose? For my partner and me, the answer is clear: marriage. Given our current financial situation, we don’t possess the long-term wealth necessary for homeownership.
I would much rather allocate my resources toward a wedding than a house. Some might consider this choice to be unwise, but here’s my perspective: owning a home is a far longer commitment than funding a wedding. When you buy a house, you are making a decision that will affect you for years to come. In contrast, a wedding is a one-time financial commitment. Yes, it’s a significant expense, but once it’s paid, you’re free from ongoing financial obligations. This flexibility is much more appealing to me than being tied down to a house forever. While renting can be frustrating, it remains an option. The celebration of marriage shouldn’t be overshadowed by the so-called “adult” choice of homeownership.
My partner and I got engaged during the 2020 holiday season, and, naturally, people have begun inquiring about our wedding plans. We’ve shared that we’re saving for a wedding in a few years, even as we prioritize other financial responsibilities. A wedding that we can share with loved ones is incredibly important to us. Watching Marriage or Mortgage, we found ourselves relating to the couple Karla and Cynthia, who are also older lesbians. My partner has been married before, while I have not. For us, having a wedding feels like fulfilling a dream, and as creative professionals, it seems like a more realistic financial choice—especially since we can adjust our plans to save money if necessary. On the other hand, the costs of housing seem to be perpetually rising, making it feel like a never-ending pursuit.
Currently, we both carry a substantial amount of student loan debt. I haven’t earned enough to make a significant dent in my repayments, and while my partner has been addressing hers as she can, it’s still considerable. Although I’ve managed to pay off my small credit card debt, we’re now focused on hers. This debt burdens her credit score, making it challenging to secure an apartment, let alone a mortgage. Our situation is not particularly unique.
The COVID-19 pandemic has starkly highlighted the fragility of financial security. As a writer, I’ve been able to maintain my work, but my partner—who is in the entertainment industry—has faced job loss. This has placed the financial burden on me alone. The pandemic has resulted in job losses for many, complicating bill payments. You might purchase a home, only to lose your job. So, then what? Even if you manage to make mortgage payments, what happens if an unexpected expense arises? A year into this pandemic, many are slowly regaining employment, but we have also witnessed the onset of one of the most severe recessions in U.S. history. How will this impact homeowners in the long run? This is a question that Marriage or Mortgage fails to address.
Although the couples on the show managed to save money for a house, do they have the financial stability to keep up with those payments? Are they prepared for unexpected repairs? While it’s entertaining to watch couples debate over shower sizes or garage space, the reality of homeownership can be much harsher. For instance, one couple featured on the show both work in fitness; what if one of them gets injured and can’t work for an extended period? Their parents may assist with the down payment, but they likely won’t cover the monthly mortgage.
Homeownership comes with many hidden costs that people may overlook. My partner and I have carefully weighed the pros and cons of owning a home versus renting an apartment. When something breaks in your house, you are responsible for fixing it, which can incur significant costs. For example, if a hot water heater fails, not only do you need to find a repairman, but you must also cover all associated expenses. However, if something malfunctions in my apartment, I simply submit a maintenance request and they take care of it at no extra cost. If we don’t have an extra thousand dollars for repairs, we won’t be left shivering in cold showers. Incidental costs and housing emergencies are often underestimated when considering homeownership.
Critics of Marriage or Mortgage have pointed out that the choice between a home and a wedding, especially during a global pandemic, seems absurd. While that sentiment might hold some truth, it’s important to remember that the show was filmed before COVID-19, so participants couldn’t have anticipated such a crisis when deciding to buy a house. Some argue that purchasing a house during the pandemic is wise due to lower housing costs, but this once again circles back to economic uncertainty. What if financial troubles arise? Most weddings aired post-COVID had to be scaled back, but this often led to cost savings.
In a follow-up article, Women’s Health caught up with the couples from the show to see how their lives have unfolded since. Two couples who opted for weddings, Alex and Jamie, both ER nurses, faced pandemic-related job changes. The early days of the crisis took a toll on them, leading them to quit their jobs and pursue further education as nurse practitioners. Had they chosen to buy a home, they might not have had the freedom to make such a significant life decision or even be present to enjoy it. Meanwhile, Emily and Ryan, young personal trainers, have also experienced income loss due to gym closures.
We fully acknowledge that our rent could potentially cover a mortgage payment. However, various obstacles make that dream feel unattainable. Securing a wedding venue doesn’t require a loan, and my ability to purchase a wedding dress isn’t reliant on my credit score. While weddings can be costly (and I don’t dispute that), I also understand the perspective that it’s a significant expense for just one day. Nonetheless, even if our earnings temporarily dip, we remain married and don’t have to worry about losing our home. This reassurance is invaluable.
For more insights on this topic, check out this blog post and consider resources like Cryobaby’s home insemination kit or Mount Sinai’s infertility resources.
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Summary:
The choice between marriage and homeownership can be a deeply personal one, especially in the context of financial uncertainty. As couples face the reality of student debt, job instability, and the costs associated with owning a home, many, like the author, find themselves prioritizing a wedding over a mortgage. The appeal of marriage lies in its temporary financial commitment compared to the long-term responsibility of owning a home.