Lifestyle
By Jamie Parker
April 8, 2021
I was a rather temperamental teenager, and I’m not shy to admit it. I attribute much of that to the rush of hormones that accompanied puberty. As a child (before I started developing and my menstrual cycle began), I remember awakening each day with sheer joy.
I was thrilled about school, eager to don my favorite purple shirt, and couldn’t wait to enjoy hot chocolate after class. Even rainy days delighted me with their soothing sounds. I was perpetually cheerful, bouncing around like a hyperactive child. Teachers frequently chatted with my parents about my overly social nature and my tendency to talk too much. My mom even devised a game called “Let’s See How Long You Can Go Without Talking,” but I could barely last three minutes, despite her offers of a reward.
However, around the age of twelve, while sitting in band class, I suddenly found myself in tears for no apparent reason. The excited girl looking forward to the dance that night was replaced by someone who craved solitude and quiet. Thankfully, those feelings eventually subsided, and my cheery disposition returned during my late teens. I genuinely believed that phase of moodiness was behind me—just a typical teenage experience, right? Wrong.
Once I hit 40, the girl who cried in band class seemed almost charming compared to the irritable woman I’ve become, who can erupt with anger at the drop of a hat. Almost six years have passed since then, and those mood swings show no signs of fading. One moment I’m fine, and the next, I feel like I could snap a log in two with my bare hands. It’s bewildering to me, as I never know when I’ll flip into a state of annoyance and take it out on anyone nearby.
Just last week, I was chatting with a friend who mentioned that she and her husband have established a “safe word” for when she feels her mood darkening. A safe word, folks! If you haven’t yet entered the perimenopausal realm, you might find this amusing and think self-control should be easy. But trust me, you don’t get to weigh in until you’ve been there.
These emotional fluctuations are genuine, and I’ve tried everything to manage them; my friends in similar situations have too. While some remedies like sleep, exercise, cutting back on sugar, and magnesium help ease the tension, there’s no universal solution that works for everyone.
Middle-aged mood swings can feel like someone else is controlling your mind with a remote. You might start your day feeling perfectly fine, only to be hit with crippling anxiety a short while later. Your body has its own tricks too. One moment I’m freezing, battling terrible circulation; the next, I’m so hot that I contemplate standing outside in the breeze.
Some days, I’m ravenous and fantasizing about indulging in turkey legs and cheesecake, only to be met with nausea and cramps shortly after. A friend of mine has lost all interest in intimacy, while another claims her sex drive is so high that her husband struggles to keep up, leading to arguments.
Let’s not forget that middle age also brings acne, wrinkles, and unwanted hair growth—like a punch to the gut when you’re already feeling down. I’ll think I’m doing great until I glance in the mirror, only to see my chin dotted with acne and unwanted facial hair. It’s as if my body says, “Now it’s time to wreak havoc on you by depriving you of sleep and throwing in some zits and hair growth just for good measure.”
You truly don’t know what irritability is until you reach your 40s. Sure, there are positives about this stage of life—like not caring what others think and knowing which jeans fit best—but that doesn’t stop you from wanting to snatch a bag of chips from your partner’s hands and smash it on their head when they crunch too loudly. The slightest inconvenience, like a clogged sink, can bring you to tears, and you’ll find yourself losing sleep over a myriad of thoughts, whether they’re pressing or not.
Essentially, middle age feels like experiencing intense PMS every other day. Even during the moments when you feel like your old self, a sense of dread looms, knowing that the feisty, irritable version of you will soon make an appearance. I wish there were a magic pill to send to anyone going through this. Until such a remedy is discovered, creating a safe word might be a wise strategy, as it seems to work for my friend.
For more insights on related topics, check out this blog post or explore resources on pregnancy and home insemination at the CDC.